And the decade continues 2001

As I look back over 2001 and think of how life has changed and any defining moments the main one that sticks out to me and probably most anyone is September 11th.
We all know where we were. What we were doing. How we found out. It's the JFK shooting of this generation!

One thing I do remember about that is I was so totally convinced that Jesus was coming back. I mean, seriously. (quit laughing) I was reading through revelations like it was my job! A few days into it I had a realization of "Oh great, I'm one of "them" now!"

Know those people who only go to God when they have exhausted all their resources. When they tried absolutely everything and it's still not working. THEN they go to God? Yeah, that's what I felt like! I didn't rededicate my life or anything like that. What happened is I decided to be more intentional with how I was living.

Reading through Revelations or any part of the Bible isn't bad, but what's the point if your life isn't changed? In no way was that an over night change, but it was definitely the beginning of the process for me of being intentional about my relationship with God. It was no longer something that sat on the shelf and looked pretty on Sundays, but it was something that actually defined who I am.

Even today I am in the process of continually working out my relationship with God and continually journeying with him every step of the way!

In a decade.....2000

I really want to begin blogging for the next ten days over the passed decade and everything that has gone on and really just how much my life has changed in ten years. As a person I have completely changed and my family dynamics have changed and I really just want to take time to look back and remember that and be thankful for it.

2000
The year that life changed! Literally! The summer of 2000 I was 15. We moved that summer from Texas to Missouri. Seven hundred miles never seemed so far away. Rebecca and I were fixing to go into high school and Ben was going into his senior year. It didn't make sense to any of us, but we all had a peace that we were doing exactly what God had called us to.
Dad got called to a church in Missouri. That was a HUGE step for all of us when for me personally I just felt like God saying “Do you trust me now?” Texas was safe for us. It was home. It was predictable. Life was so good. We had just moved into a beautiful new home. We loved our school. It was a great time for all of us, and then it all changed.
One of the songs that I remember hearing when we were in the process of this is one by Avalon called Move or Move Me. The chorus spoke to me and gave me so much peace that I knew it was from the Lord. It simply said:

Lord move in a way that I’ve never seen before.
Cause there’s a mountain in the way and a lock on the door.
I’m drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore.
So Lord move, or move me.

So many friends were left behind in Texas. It absolutely broke me to think of leaving them. All the high school years without my friends. Wondering if I'd ever see them again. It was hard, but we did it.

The relationships that we had when we were in Missouri were neat. It definitely took a lot of getting used to. It was a hard adjustment, but we made some good friends in that first year.

I would have never imagine starting off 2000 that my life would change as much as it did just in that first year, but God has truly blessed our family because of our willingness to obey Him, and it definitely made us that much more dependent on Him alone!

Galatians 6

Totally jumpin right into this this week!

v. 2 Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

In no way do we look more like Christ than when we are carrying one another's burdens. This is the whole point of Mark 12 when Christ says "Love your neighbor as yourself." We get so caught up in our selfishness by just living our own life. The whole point of the Gospel is to continually serve those around us for the sake of making Christ famous.

v.9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

There are two things that stick out to me. I like that Paul makes the statement that you "will" grow weary of doing good. Anyone that been in any service/ministry aspect knows how tiring you can be to do good. It really can be.
This verse has been such an encouragement to me at very different seasons in my life. I love the promise that we WILL reap a harvest but we must not give up! We just can't! It is so easy for me to look around at what is going around and think "Seriously? I'M going to make a difference? Nope!" I forget too quickly that I have the power of the Holy Spirit IN ME! Christ has commanded me to "do good" and what's better than that He promised that "We will reap a harvest....IF WE DON'T GIVE UP!!"

v. 14 But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

I love that Christ teaches us the right way to boast, and that is only through him and only through the cross. Check out my friend Mark's blog for more details just on this verse and how Christ coming has taught us how to boast.

Conviction

As I have been reading and blogging through Galatians a plan on starting through Phillippians next week there is a certain amount of conviction that is beginning to set in.

The one question that I try and ask myself on a fairly regular basis is "What's the point?" From my current activity, hobby, job, mindset. Everything that make up the ingredients of who I am I want to continually take inventory of that and ask "what's the point?"

If it's not challenging me or edifying the body then I want to make a change!

So with going through this blog and these readings, if it doesn't change the person that I am then what is the point? I pray that this will become more than a daily activity and that I would allow God to be nosy in the deepest parts of my heart and let Him be the judge of what belongs and what doesn't.

May the convictions turn into transformation.

Galatians 6

v. 2 Bear one an0ther's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

In no way do we look more like Christ than when we are carrying one another's burdens. This is the whole point of Mark 12 when Christ says "love your neighbor as yourself".
We get so caught up in our selfishness by just living our own life. The whole point of the Gospel is to continually service those around us for the sake of making Christ famous!

v. 9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

There are two things that stick out to me. I like that Paul subtly makes the statement that you "will" grow weary of doing good. Anyone that's been in any area of service knows how exhausting it can be to "do good". I love how Paul follows this up with some encouragement for endurance with "in due season we will reap, if we do not give up". So many times when I "do good" I would like my reward now please! Who has time for patience? I feel like Paul is big picturing us on the deal by simply saying "It'll come. When the time is just right, it will come. Don't give up."

This verse has been so encouraging to me in different seasons of my life. It is not only exhausting, but can sometimes be frustrating when you're following God's will and it just feels hard. A little bit of favor every once in awhile would be nice. I am totally encouraging to me to hear once again. You WILL reap a harvest.

Galatians 5

The more I read this the more in love with Paul's heart I am! I seriously love this guy and his passion.

v. 7 You were running well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth? 8. This persuasion is not from Him who calls you.

Notice in v.7 it doesn't say "what" hindered you, but "who". I think this sticks out to me the most because so many times I look at the things that are hindering me and don't realize that the devil is actually the one controlling those things. Realizing this is part of the stepping back and realizing just how much spiritual warfare we're surrounded by.

v.25 If we live by the Spirit. 26. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

So humbling to read this last part of chapter 5. I am embarrassed by how conceited and big headed I can be. I really do think I know everything sometimes. It is hard learning the humility lesson. It's hard to compare my actions to Christ and not to those who I deem "beneath me".

We are called to edify one another. To put others before ourselves. I fail daily and am grateful to God for his unfailing love and grace.

Galatians 4

Trekking on through Galatians and am amazed so much by what God is showing me. Both through His Word and in the peace that comes realizing He is still offering grace today. It seems like a lot of this book has been Paul reminding the Galatians about the God whom they have believed and in a sense telling them to grow up!

v. 4 But when the time arrived that was set by God the Father, God sent His Son, born among us of a woman, born under the conditions of the law so that he might redeem those of us who have been kidnapped by the law. (The Message)

The picture of God becoming man still amazes me. I mean, it'd be nice just to have someone on the sidelines of our life cheering us on and showing us the way. God did way more than that though. He left His throne in heaven to come down to earth. Still today he cares enough to crawl down into the foxholes of our life.

v. 11 I'm afraid I may have labored of you in vain. (The Message)

To hear Paul proclaim this absolutely breaks me. It makes me think so much of the people God has put in my life to mentor me. I have been so incredibly blessed by the men and women in my life that have poured their life into mine. I do not for a second take that for granted. I pray that as I grow in the Lord He will allow me to be that blessing in someone else's life.

v. 17 Those heretical teachers go to great lengths to flatter you, but their motives are rotten. They want to shut you out of the free world of God's grace so that you will always depend on them for approval and direction, making them feel important. (The Message)

This verse caught me on so many levels. First was really on the whole "people pleasing" level. It really is a dangerous place to be when we are seeking the approval of man. The second thing is I don't want to be this kind of teacher! I feel like I have some very controlling aspects to my own personality and that is so detrimental to the body of Christ. Christ has come to set all men free from the bondage of the law! We are to all live in that freedom!!

Galatians 3

I absolutely love Paul's tone in this. I read it in the ESV and got to the end and had one of those "What in the world did I just read?!" Went back and read it in the message and understood it all over again!

The main gist of this is Paul going back and reminding the believers of whom they have believed! It's so easy for us in our life to begin "living for God" like it's something we do. Actions we take or things we say. Paul is totally throwing that mentality out the window here!

v.2-4 Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God's Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren't smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up! (The Message)




So many times in my personal life I just kinda go on auto-pilot and figure each decision out by what fits in "the box". Does this follow my plan? Is this going to get my to my projected goal? Is this a safe move? In the process of weighing out all variables it will often times hit me.....well not often...sometimes.....okay, occasionally, I will stop and realize that I am making decisions based on what is safe.

It has recently just been gently spoken to me that God doesn't get to show off when we live in the "safe". He does his biggest work when all the factors are there as humans to fail. When there is absolutely no possible way it can be done. THAT is when we get to say "To God alone be the glory". I think this is what Paul is going for here:

^5-6Answer this question: Does the God who lavishly provides you with his own presence, his Holy Spirit, working things in your lives you could never do for yourselves, does he do these things because of your strenuous moral striving or because you trust him to do them in you? Don't these things happen among you just as they happened with Abraham? He believed God, and that act of belief was turned into a life that was right with God.

God provides for us because he's God and for no other reason than that! He loves us with a love that we will never be able to comprehend. He blesses us because of His love for us. Nothing that we do will make him bless us more!

I pray that I will live in this truth! Live TODAY in this truth! Knowing that the God of the universe loves me with an undying love and live in complete obedience to Him and his will.

Galatians 2

I think the overall theme of this chapter is the great lengths that Paul went through to preserve the Gospel. He did everything he could to avoid it being tainted by human opinion.

v. 14 "But when I saw their conduct was not in step with the truth of the Gospel, I said to Cephas before them all, "If you, though a Jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you force the Gentiles to live like Jews?"

I feel like sometimes the hardest place to be a Christian is in the church. We are so critical and judgemental. I love the stance that Paul takes in completely calling Peter out! Paul who was once persecuting the church! Blows my mind that he wouldn't shy away and not want to correct Peter, but he is so full of the truth of Christ that he can't help but proclaim that same truth.

v. 21 ...."for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose."

To think that we as Christians have reduced the Gospel down to a list of rules is so disheartening. We cannot handle the complexity of Christ so we have stuffed him in our box that we do understand and have then turned around and sold our "God in a box" without selling the Gospel!

Reading Through Galatians

For about three weeks now I have had the book of Galatians on my heart. I have no idea why. I don't know what sparked my interest in this book, but decided that I would start reading it and just tear apart what I was getting from it.
I am a HUGE fan of reading commentaries and different authors who are much smarter than I with much more knowledge and experience, but I have just been personally challenged lately to really open up the Word and figure IT out for myself.

So here goes. I'm taking one chapter at a time and just figuring out the parts that really stick out to me.

Gal. 1:10
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

This hit me at the core! I am the biggest people pleaser I've ever known! I work so hard to not disappoint my parents, my friends, my boss. I am constantly working to make others happy. Throwin' this out there right now. You can NEVER make everyone happy. You will NEVER be able to be all things to all people. You will fail and people will be disappointed with you! There is a lot of pressure that comes with living this life also!

I was so convicted by this verse because it hit me right away that I am so concerned with what others think of me and making sure that I am "good enough". The fact that the opinion of man suddenly became more important to me than the opinion of God absolutely breaks me to even say that and acknowledge it in my life.
While reading the blog of Pete Wilson last week he wrote a blog that simply stated "Information does not equate transformation". This kinda made the impact of Galatians 1:10 all the more real to me. The fact that I have recognized my need for the approval of man and realizing how wrong that is; acknowledging it is not enough. There must be a transformation.
So I'm working on it and praying for God to show me ways to serve HIM.

1:11-12
For I would have you know, brothers, that the gospel that was preached by me is not man's gospel. 12 For I did not receive it from any man, nor was I taught it, but I received it through a revelation of Jesus Christ.

This has been a hard issue for me to not be ignorant about. It has really bothered me how some who are in the ministry that have gone to seminary put one seminary against another. As if someone is not qualified or AS qualified if they didn't attend seminary where someone else deems legit!
I have such a strong opinion on this and pray that only the truth of my conviction will come through on this part.

I truly believe that Paul is showing the legitimacy of his speech comes from Christ alone. From the teachings he has gotten directly from Jesus. Not from man.
There's something in that. There is something that happens in the heart of someone who has truly struggled with the real-deal-raw-issues of life and can be on the other side and say "Not only was I there and do I know where you're coming from, but here is what our response to Christ should be through this."
It speaks so much to me that the disciples were just real people. They weren't working in a church. They didn't have pretty clothes. Some of them not even accepted by culture, but Jesus knew that that's exactly who He came to reach.
I am so convicted that if we are not reaching out to the least of these then we have completely failed in our calling as a Christ follower.

Here are some of my thoughts. I would love to hear yours.

I am anxious to continue reading through this book and allowing Christ to change my heart with His will and His purpose.

Is it REALLY the MOST wonderful time of the year?

Cannot believe that some stores have had Christmas decorations up for about two weeks now....and we're just now in DECEMBER!!!!! CRAZY!

This Holiday season has been kinda weird for the Carlson fam. With Ben & Rebecca both being married and having other families to go to, it's weird for me and the folks. It's made me instead of feeling real sorry for myself (which believe me, I'll do it on the drop of a hat!) more I have realized how many people the holidays really aren't a fun time for.
I am so blessed for all the times I have shared with my family and the fun times we do have when we’re together.

I have so many friends who have broken families or their family just doesn't like being together. The holidays aren't fun. It's not fun to be with family that you have avoided at all cost during the year. The family that you ignore on the caller id every time you see their name come up. The family that you would not even want to sit next to in church! Yeah....THAT family! You're now gonna have dinner with them and act like you like them. Sweep every family problem under the rug and life is wonderful.

So what’s so wonderful about this time of year anyway? I mean seriously. Family problems coming to the surface. Never knowing what to get someone! Going in debt until next summer! Really?! The MOST wonderful time of the year?

There are some members in every family who in our minds we have deemed that THEY are the ones that have done that absolute unforgivable sin….by our measure of course! What do you think about Mary & Joseph, I mean not everyone believed when Jesus was born that it was actually Him that was THE Messiah. What if there were members of their family that didn’t believe? How do you think their Christmas celebrations were? I mean the whole “reason for the season” was the whole reason why they didn’t even want to be together!

You know what I love about this. JESUS! Jesus was right in the middle of the dysfunctional family. I mean, seriously. Look at his genealogy. No secrets there! I love that Jesus was right in the middle of it.

Just like with our families! He crawls right in the middle of our dysfunction. Gets in the middle of our hurt. In the middle of our ugliness and hidden sins.

And what does he offer us? Love. Love unconditional. And what’s better than that is he offers forgiveness. If anyone knows anything about dysfunction it’s Jesus Christ.

I am so in awe of this great savior that CHOOSES to love me. Despite my ugliness. Despite my bitterness towards life. Despite my hurt and paint. Despite of……me. Jesus. The Saviour of the world. Loves……me.

It's been awhile

Know those people who blog and it seems like every new blog is a great excuse of why they haven't blogged in awhile? Well, not here. No apologies for not blogging! I don't even feel bad. Not even a little bit! Okay, well maybe just a tad! =)
I have self-edited this blog way too many times, and ended up erasing everything I had written. I'm starting with a somewhat "blank slate" (except for the first paragraph because I thought that was pretty funny!)

So here's some thoughts that have been going through my mind the past few days. It all stemmed when I starting read this book at Barnes & Noble. I was nearly in tears while reading and had to quit reading and go home and pray because I was so overwhelmed with all I felt God was revealing to me.

Here are some of the notes that I took while reading:

I aimed for godliness as an idea, but was quick to snag the do-over of grace when my intentions proved faulty.

I judged. I condemned. And I thought it was okay because people of the church were still impressed with me.
But the world was watching.

I pursued Christian success instead of pursuing Christ. I spoke witty insults as commonly as profound prayers.

Not truly Christian-but rather, merely ChristianISH.

As a church community it is time we asked ourselves a startling question: What if we're not really following Jesus at all?

Our Christian intention has sharp edges. It has the ability to mold and shape, but also to stab and permanently damage.

I couldn't believe what I was actually reading, only because I knew I'd never written that book before, but to actually be reading words that seemed so true to me and so deep inside that I didn't even know they were there, I could hardly handle it. Like, seriously, has someone been stalking me?! I still can't believe how true those words are to me and am sobered to even type that I have had all of those exact thoughts and more!

For a long time I have sensed that there's something missing in THE CHURCH. Not the church you pass on the way home every day or the one you go to on Sundays, but THE CHURCH of believers! US! Me. You. I feel like there is something that we are missing.
I think that we have created church into something that we "do" a place that we go! Forgetting that WE are in fact THE CHURCH. That's us! Not a building. We don't "go to church" we ARE the church!
Why is it so easy for me to smile on Sundays and pretend like life is absolutely wonderful when everything inside of me wants to scream "Life just doesn't make sense and I don't understand what's going on!" Instead I opt for "I'm fabulous! How are you?!"
I think sometimes I leave church and really feel like the message was great. Took good notes. Got a lot out of it, but then my life on Monday....heck, the rest of the day Sunday....completely unaffected!
?Why is that? I know that this is not only a struggle that I face, hints: the book in at B&N that could practically be my life story and the fact that there are MILLIONS of people in Tyler (okay, not that many) but a lot of people, just in a 20 minutes radius of me who all went to church on Sunday and the world around us is completely unaffected! I mean, I talk to ONE girl in my apartment complex and that is only because she is my age, looks a lot like me...and also works at a church! It's safe!
I mean, I'm just gonna be honest, I like people that are like me, because...I like me! I'm safe. There are no curve balls!
I don't think God wants us to live that kind of life. I mean, seriously, by now, I think the entire Tyler are, heck, all of Texas should have heard the gospel by now, but I am truly convinced that there are people that live in our neighborhoods that really have no idea who Jesus Christ really is, let alone the fact that he is absolutely head over heels in love with them and gave the entire world just to be with them. I mean, can you imagine that?! God is so in love with His people and we're too comfortable that we can't even tell others about him?!

This is something that has been in my mind for a lot longer than I want to admit and I have done nothing about it. Nothing! I’m not okay with it anymore and I’m definitely not comfortable anymore. Change must and will happen!

Things I liked about Thursday 8.19

1. Adding more people to Discover Bethel. I'm beyond encouraged at the amount that has signed up for this class.
2. Realizing the greatness of God and that He works on His Timline, NOT MINE!
3. Hanging out with some of the sweetest people! Gosh, Bethel has some incredible families
4. Seeing my sweet friend Meredith and laughing so hard! Oh my goodness! Love that girl!
5. Laughing at some stuff Todd is editing. Wow.
6. My Dad laughing at me! =) THAT, however, is an everday occurence!
7. Bailey's for some fajitas! Love that sweet family!

Things I liked about Tuesday 8.18

1. Being back in the office after nearly a week out and seeing everybody again!
2. Having lunch with my Dad.
3. Beating Terry Borens at ping pong. True story folks, I really did!
4. Discover Bethel sign up so far being more than last years! So excited about all these new people at Bethel.
5. Dinner with a new friend.

Things I liked about....Monday 8.17

1. Kel's parents taking me to the airport. LOVE them.
2. No one sitting in the middle seat on flight #1
3. Flights being EARLY!
4. Dad's face when I surprised him at his office.
5. Spending the whole afternoon with my parents. Love them and am so completely blessed.

Things I liked about today Sunday 8.16

1. Going to Christ Church. Always been a dream of mine to go there. Dream fulfilled. Everything I hoped it would be.
2. Lunch at Moe's! LOVE IT!
3. Reading so much this afternoon...and everyday that I've been on vaca.
4. Laughing with Ben & Kel about our families. We are so blessed.
5. Visiting with Kel's parents.
6. Laughing at old youth group memories with Ben.

I am so incredible blessed to have spend this time in Tennessee with B & K. They truly are a blessing to my life and I only pray that one day I will be able to return the favor. It has been more than needed to be able to get away and not think for a few days. Definitely did that and have been rejuvenated. Ready to be home tomorrow and see my parents. Missed them so much.

Things I liked about today Saturday 8.15

1. Driving through Nashville and around Belmont Univ. HUGE DREAM to go to that school. Wish it wasn't so dang expensive.
2. Seeing ridiculously huge houses and everything beautiful in Nashville.
3. Murfreesboro = BEAUTIFUL!
4. Watching "We Are Marshall" and having a very chill evening.

Things I liked about YESTERDAY Friday 8.15

1. Walking nearly four miles with Ben and having incredible conversation.
2. Going downtown Franklin and looking in all the fun shops.
3. Going to the Mellow Mushroom for some INCREDIBLE pizza. Wow. That's some good stuff. Too bad the only thing we know how to make in TX is Mexican food!
4. Driving around Franklin looking at all the ridiculously large homes. Even saw where Keith & Nicole live. CRAZY!
5. Watching The Ringer. Funny but wrong.

Things I liked about today Thursday 8.13

1. Resting well. I have not slept well in a LONG time.
2. Chilling. Relaxing. Reading. All morning long.
3. Talkin' to my sweet friend Alayna. Love her.
4. Late Birthday dinner at Saphires and the waiter being ridiculously nice and genuine.
5. Hearing Sam Gregg play some great ideas for songs. Seriously talented invidual. Check him out on iTunes.
6. More than encouraged by everyone who is being intentional about looking for the good in every single day. THIS is what we were called for.

Things I liked about today Wednesdasy 8.12

1. Waking up to my alarm THE FIRST TIME.
2. Going to DFW to discover my plane was only going to leave from Love field then to discover I had WAY MORE than enough time to make it there!
3. Seeing Michael W. Smith at the Nashville airport!!! (ROCK MY FACE OFF!!!)
4. Seeing the face of Ben & Kelly Carlson! LOVE THEM!!!
5. Kelly's "from scratch" macaroni & cheese.....INDESCRIBABLE. You need to get cha some!

Things I Liked About Today. Tuesday 8.11

1. Staff lunch = Great time with amazing friends.
2. Big Red ice cream.....'nough said!
3. Finally finishing all that needs to be done before trip!
4. Being humbled by the fact that sometimes parents do things that you will never be able to repay them for.
5. Going to a sweet friends house to do my laundry! =)

Things I liked about today Monday 8.11

I'm following the lead of my buddy Mark on this one! Challenged and encouraged to find the good in every single day!

1. Got much accomplished in preparation for trip to Nashville this week.
2. Got a kick out of myself and had a good laugh with Marla.
3. Had lunch with two of the most precious people I know.
4. Good conversation with my sweet sister.
5. Went and visited my sweet friend Katelyn after her knee surgery and had so much fun just laughing with the girls and enjoying being together.

I'M MOVING!!!

That's right! I am finally moving out on my own and I could not be more thrilled. Never moving away and going to college I've never had the "living on your own" experience.
During the whole process of looking for something in Tyler my mind has constantly been focused on "finding somewhere closer to town". Once I did that, got all the papers signed and deposit in, I think this is when I have finally hit the "super excited about living on my own/oh crap what am I doing?" moment! =)
Absolutely excited about not having to drive nearly an hour to be in town or hang with friends. This DEFINITELY ranks in the "convenient" category! I am also realizing all the things that come along with living on your own. I like to think that I've thought of everything, but lets be honest I realize there is much that I have not thought of!
So, May 15 is the big move in day. Thinking that I can get it all done in 2 days and NOT having it done in 2 days is not an option. Too much goin on for that!

In a Year.....

It's been a long road. As I look back at all the God has brought us through and look into the greatness that He has placed before us, I am amazed by His works once again.

One year ago this Sunday Dad and I made the trek to Texas after Easter service. Lots of mixed feelings. Wondering where God was leading us, but knowing that He did indeed have something in store. Never would've guessed the connection that he would make that week with his now pastor. God is so gracious and surprising all the time.

Everyday that I look down and see the word tattoo-ed on my foot "Carried" I am reminded that is was through the desert that God carried me and brought me to where I am. St. Louis was not an easy eight years. There were many tears. Many trying times. Many nights of wondering where God was in all of this. Many lunches with Dad trying to make sense of it all. Tears still come to my eyes when I think of those long conversations about Where God's hand was in all that was going on.

As I sit here tonight. IN TEXAS! =) Knowing that God brought me through everything that He did for the ultimate goal of bringing Him Glory, I can see that it truly was for a reason! God has
stretched beyond measure and challenged me more than I thought I ever would be. God is continually growing me and changing me. I pray everyday that I am transforming into the person that he has called me to be. The thought of disappointing Him, or not doing him justice with the position I have been given scares the mess out of me!

I am so blessed to have walked the path that I have and grateful for the story that I can tell of God's grace and mercy every step of the way.

Some Thoughts on Worship from Piper - Desiring God

"Worship is a way of gladly reflecting back to God the radiance of His worth."

"Where feelings for God are dead, worship is dead."

"Worship is authentic when affections for God arise in the heart as an end in themselves."

"The real duty of worship is not the outward duty to say or do the liturgy. It is the inward duty, the command "Delight yourself in the Lord!" (Ps. 37:4). "Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice!" (Ps. 32:11)

"Don't let your worship decline to the performance of mere duty."

"The irony of our human condition is that God has put us within sight of the Himalayas of His glory in Jesus Christ, but we have chosen to pull down the shades of our chalet and show slides of Buck Hill - even in church!"

I have nothing to add. Some sobering thoughts to think about!

A Desire to Know More

So I've been learning. This may not be a shock to you, but to me I feel like it's just another layer of the veil pulled back. I've begun to realize, my God is BIG! Not just big, he's HUGE!!! I cannot even begin to learn all about Him and His greatness, and majesty, and splendor, and glory! But I want to! I want to learn so much more about Him!

So I've been reading Piper! HUGE FAN! I've read Piper before, but never have finished a book. I would much rather someone else read it and explain it to me! That's definitely easier right? I get so frustrated with his huge mind and tired of grabbing at every thought that goes right over my head!

I was challenged a couple of weeks ago by my pastor, to read "Desiring God." A-mazing. I have pulled out several great and amazing points, but aside from all of those one main theme strings them all together.

God is sovereign! In His sovereignty He demands our worship. Worship is not a mere duty that we do as Christ followers, however, worship is a way of gladly reflecting back to God the radiance of His worth!

I have shared before how God in His creation have begun to open my eyes over the past several months. Every single morning I look forward to getting in my car and driving across the lakes and watching the sunrise. God is B-E-A-UTIFUL! His creation is astounding. I am completely blown away that there is not one morning where the sunrise looks the same. They are all unique and all glorify and magnify MY GOD in a different and amazing way.

I pray that my life will be a reflection of the glory of God. It is my great desire that as I learn more about my creator that I will ooze it out of every pore and every word that is spoken. I pray that people are encouraged by my life and that I may glorify God in my everyday walk! I am completely in love with my creator and I am striving to make that known!

The Encouragement I need

Proverbs 3:5-12 (The Message)

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own.Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil!Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life!Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best.Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over.But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction.It's the child he loves that God corrects; a father's delight is behind all this.

God's Will

Jeremiah 29:11-13
I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed."

I love reading scripture that we all know by heart in The Message. I feel like it's more real. It's kinda like, okay, you know this. You've heard it a million times. Why are you worried? What were you stressed out about?

Why do we so often stress about things and THEN go to God? He's sitting by us waiting for us to call on Him. Waiting for us to say "Dad, I can't do this without you. I need your help!" That's all he wants. For us to admit that we are nothing and that we can do nothing without Him! Why is that so hard? I often make life more difficult and drawn out than it really should be.

I am striving to be serious about finding God and seeking His will above anything else in my life. With my whole haeart I want to know GOD!

My New Favorite Psalm

Psalm 51:7-15 (The Message)
Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life. Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. Don't look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home. Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God, and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways. Unbutton my lips, dear God; I'll let loose with your praise.

Faith

I feel like this is one of those "Christian-ese" words that we use, but I'm convinced we have no idea what faith really is!

Hebrews 11:7
By faith, Noah built a ship in the middle of dry land. He was warned about something he couldn't see, and acted on what he was told. The result? His family was saved. His act of faith drew a sharp line between the evil of the unbelieving world and the rightness of the believing world. As a result, Noah became intimate with God.

Okay, check this out! We've been told it hadn't rained on the earth and all the sudden God tells Noah to build an ark! He's going to destroy the earth because the people have corrupted it. Right? Yeah, looks take a closer look. Noah was FIVE HUNDRED YEARS OLD!!!! WHAT?!!! Five hundred just by the time he had three boys, THEN God told him to build an ark!

I don't know about you, but to me, faith is trusting and following God when everyone around you is telling you "No, bad idea". Noah was walking so closely to God that God chose HIM out of EVERYONE on the earth! God found Noah blameless.

I want to have more faith in a God like that!

This is what it looks like!

Acts 2:42-47
They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and good, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

I am a big fan of the book of Acts simply because it gives a very raw, down to earth picture of what the church actually looks like! It has been about 3 years since I have been shown this verse and really explained in great detail what it means, looks like, and the great impact that it can have for a community!

As I read this I am even more excited about small groups starting in 3 weeks and very excited about the impact that they could have in Tyler! God is doing great things at Dayspring and I am incredibly blessed to be a part of this body!

It's not enough to be challenged....

We must be CHANGED in order to be FORMED!

Ephesians 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Being not only a sarcastic person, but someone who speaks their mind on......too much......this hits home!
I would love to say that I speak truth and speak things that lift others up, because I do, but not as much as I'm supposed to! I need a big banner in front of me that says "Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth EVER!"

So this is my challenge today. To me, and to you!

Encouragement from our good friend James!

I love the book of James. SERIOUSLY! I am so encouraged when I read it and I feel like I understand so much of it when I do, but also learn something new everytime I open it up! So now, all you.....okay, both of you, that read this blog, you will now see a peek into WHY I love James so much!

James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James start out telling you that you're GOING to face trials. Life's not gonna be picture perfect. James doesn't waste much time though saying the purpose of it all is so that we may be mature and lack nothing! LACK NOTHING!!! We won't be formed into the image of God simply by being challenged. We must be changed. That is when we must realize that trials are a part of the life and the joy comes from knowing that God has chosen to form us into the image of Christ.

The challenge for us......Don't stop! Don't just look at life and go through it's course and say "Man, God is really challenging me." When you are changed, THAT'S when you are FORMED!

Small Groups

This has pretty much consumed my life the past 2 months! I didn't realize what a task this was going to be until I began! Not sure that I have completely mastered the task, but God has amazed me at how he has worked through me in order to get everything needed done!
My pastor gave me a book to read about small groups and an almost idiot proof way to organize them! =) The title of the book is Activate by Nelson Searcy and Kerrick Thomas. They are both pastors of the Journey Church in NY. www.journeymetro.com I never expected a book about small groups to challenge me to the core! It did! I just want to share one of the things that kicked me in the butt!
"When you ask someone to lead a group, you are not asking that person to help you out; you are offering the opportunity to embark on a spiritual adventure, to make a difference, to engage in what God created them to do."
YEAH! So how bout I HATE asking people to help me. Hate it! I have always wanted to do things on my own. It's not a pride thing at all, which most of you are probably thinking "yeah right!". Seriously though. I have always been the type of person to rather do things myself than ask for help. A "pride" issue may be closer to it!
This statement alone empowered me beyond anything anyone has ever said to me in my life. I suddenly looked at calling people and asking them to be a small group leader in a whole different light. I was excited to ask people to lead. There were few that said no, but I never felt knocked down because of it.
I feel like I am in the middle of a HUGE learning curve in my life. It is exciting, adventurous, and empowering! I have never been more certain of where I am now and more confident in the abilities that God has given me!

I LOVE MY GOD!!!