Does it even matter?

What if it didn't matter anymore?What if everything you did today didn't count for anything once you woke up the next morning? What if no one's listening when you speak? What if our dreams for our lives fail? What if we disappoint our friends and family?

If God was the only one who gave notice to my life would it be enough for me? There are so many times that I feel inadequate. I feel like I'm not making a big enough difference. There are many days that I wonder if it even matters anymore.

The Creator of the universe has called me to live a life that he hasn't called anyone else to. It's difficult sometimes trying to fit into my own story. It's not as simple and clutter free as I'd like it to be; certainly not as pretty as I want it to be. I'm learning that's okay.

In the last several months I've been surrounded by people some much older than me, some younger, all living a different story than I. It's been neat to me to watch the creativeness of our Maker and how he fits everything into place. It's also amazing to me to look at the road some have traveled and see how simple mine really is. It's humbling to see some of the family dynamics and be reminded yet again of how blessed I have been to grow up in the family I have!

But I keep going back to the question "does it really matter?"

I currently nanny for a family, whom I absolutely adore. Four sweet kids that could not be anymore different. Everyday I look them in the eyes and am challenged to "make it matter". I want their lives to be different tomorrow because of what we did today. I want them to grow up in a world that will show them Christ. I want them to see Christ in me.

As I sometimes struggle with them and think "if I have to say it one more time" I wonder how much God does that with me! Then I'm ashamed because he has that conversation with me DAILY!!!
"How many times are you going to give into jealousy?"
"When will you learn that right always wins?"
"When will you stop fighting and let Me be enough?"
"When will you stop trying to make Me play by your rules?"

I want Christ and I want all of Him, but He wants all of me! In order for that to happen I have to give up living for Laura and live for Christ and make Him ALL THAT MATTERS.


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