Further Discussion into Romans 9

As I began to flip through my Bible and read through Romans 9, I noticed something strange. I pulled out one of my older Bibles that I have marked through for the past....almost decade, NOTHING in Romans 9 is underlined. Y'all, if you could see my Bible almost every other chapter in here has something underlined, highlihghted, or written to the side.

I only mention this to validate what I wrote yesterday about skipping over the parts of the Bible that I didn't like or didn't understand.

Please note as well as I go through and pull apart certain verses, that I am by no means a Bible scholar. I am years behind in wisdom of those I most look up to.

v.10-15 Not only that, but Rebekah's children had one in the same father, our father Isaac. Yet, before the twins were born or had done anything good or bad - in order that God's purpose in election might stand: not by work, but by him who calls - she was told, "The older will serve the younger." Just as it is written: "Jacob, I loved, but Essaue I hated." What shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For he says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion."

I have often talked about my "God in a box". I cannot tell y'all how much the Lord has been pulling back those layers and revealing more of who He is to me. I see it again in this passage of scripture. I think The Message translation puts what I'm thinking in clearer tearms.

v. 11 What God did in this case made it perfectly plain that His purpose is not a hit-or-miss thing dependant on what we do or don't do, but a sure thing determined by his decision, flowing steadily from his initiative.

This shows a piece in the character of God that I have decided to ignore up until now. We cannot think that God is love and will give us eveything pretty that we ask for and then ignore the wrath of the cross.God chooses whom he will bless and who he will curse. God is huge and powerful and mighty. I don't understand the sovereigness of His hand, however, I have no right to question it.

This humbles me so much because I see a glimpse of just how unworthy I am. When I was NOTHING, could do NOTHING, and knew absolutely NOTHING; the Lord chose me. Loved me. Died for me. My actions cannot make him love me any more or any less.

I seriously can't even begin to understand the weight of the truth of all of this. I am praying that God will continually change my heart and open my eyes to who He truly is.

John McArthur and a trip to St. Louis

I have decided to take some of this down time that I've been given and read as much as possible. As in a previous post I mentioned how many books I'm reading right now. Totally out of control! I am happy to report that two of those I have completed.

One that I am focusing in on right now is The Gospel According to Jesus by John MacArthur. My friend Mark loaned me his copy and I am devouring it right now. Growing up in church there are certain things that you just know. You don't know why you know them. Who told them to you. Or how they're true. But it doesn't change the fact that's what you've grown up believing.

Probably just in the past year I felt like I have been bombarded with theology of Christ. I was completely opposed to it at first. I didn't want to hear any of it. I was right, they were wrong, what more do we need to discuss? Upon a recent trip back to St. Louis I was able to meet with a couple of sweet friends. Friends who have challenged me continually in my walk. Friends who know me inside and out. Friends that I completely trust with my heart and am willing to lay it on the line in front of them.

As we were visiting I started talking to them about some of this "theology" that I'd been hearing and wanted to know what they thought about it. I could tell by their question back to me of "What are your thoughts"; that we weren't going to be on the same team! =) We began talking and I laid out my struggles and hesitations. Instead of telling me what some great theologian had said my friend simply picked up his Bible and began reading Romans 9.

That immediately changed my attitude right there. I'd never had anyone point to scripture when they began their rant on theology. They always picked up their newest Keller book or a MacArthur book or quoted one of Piper's most recent sermons.

When we began reading and discussing Romans 9 I finally realized something that I'd never noticed before. The fact that I am ignorant to what scripture says! I read what I have always read. I read what "makes sense" to me. I read the parts that I like. I leave the rest for someone else.

I have very wise friends who know a great deal about the Bible and what it has to say. They have also read many more books than I have and studied more than I ever will about scripture and what the Gospel is truly about. (I'll share more tomorrow about what I learned in Romans 9)

The bottom line is: I was in the wrong. My defenses were up because I didn't want someone telling me I was wrong. Since this time I have truly tried to listen more honestly not to what others are telling me is truth, but to what the Lord is saying. I was completely ignoring Him because He wasn't who I thought he was.

What about you? Can you think of some things that you've been ignorant to merely because you didn't want to be wrong?

On My Mind

I had a conversation last week with one of my sweet friends, and my heart has been in a constant turmoil ever since. This is part of what has been flooding my mind all week...

Everytime I see all the hurt and suffering that is going on in the world my heart breaks. I want to fix it so badly. I want to go to Afghanistan and hold those precious children and women who live their lives everyday in fear because there is a constant battle going on....on their street. I want to be in Haiti with all those sweet people who have lost everything they own. Mothers who stay awake all night holding the cloth roof up on their "home" so that their children can sleep and not be rained on. My heart hurts for countries like India and Greece where Human Trafficking is a largly populated crime. Where, in India, 5-7,000 children are trafficked each year. I want to save them. I want to protect them.

Often I am reminded of the verse in Matthew chapter 25 that says "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

It has been very sobering for me to read through "The Hole in our Gospel" by Richard Stearns. There are many places that it hits entirely close to home. After quoting the entire chapter of Matthew 25, Stearns goes on to write his own version of what we think of this on a daily basis.

"For I was hungry, while you had all you needed. I was thirsty, but you drank bottled water. I was a stranger, and you wanted me deported. I needed clothes, but you needed MORE clothes. I was sick, and you pointed out the behaviors that led to my sickness. I was in prison, and you said I was getting what I deserved."

As much as it breaks my heart to see the hurting in another country, it doesn't even phase me when I see it across the street or even at my church. I am very quick to judge why others are going through the situations that they are. It's easy to feel sorry and want to comfort someone who lives 8,000 miles away. It's MUCH harder to love my neighbor.

I want this to change. I want to allow God to radically change my heart for the hurting. I want to have the eyes of Christ and see people the way He did. As my desire to have the heart of Christ grows, I know that my desire to see Laura Carlson succeed and be famous, will diminish. I pray that my life every day will seek to make Him famous.

Off The Cuff

It has been incredibly too long since I've last blogged. Life is a whirlwind and that will never change! SHOOT!! I have no kids, nor a husband to add to the mix and I am having a difficult time keeping up with ME! (I think there's a prayer of thanksgiving hidden in there somewhere.)

I have been reading A LOT lately. Seriously. It's a tad bit out of control. Not even the reading several books just for information and not reading the whole thing. No sir! I am reading them all....and the plan is to complete them all!

Here's the list and my thoughts thus far on each one.

The Hole in Our Gospel: Richard Stearns
This book has challenged me. This book has in a sense made me realize that I'm not the only one God is calling out. Stay with me here. Rich, who is the President of World Vision, was CEO of, I believe, two larger companies before he felt God calling him to be at World Vision.
The way this opened my eyes is because in the past probably 6-7 months I have really felt like God has been showing me that I worship a "god in a box". I worship and serve what I believe to be God, however, it's not God at all. You see. My "god in a box" is very safe. Very predictable. Loves me. Wants me to be happy....no matter the cost.
Through various incomparable circumstances, HE is teaching me that I worship my version of Him because my feeble mind can't handle who He really is. Don't get self righteous too fast, because none of our minds can fathom the greatness of this God, but I was substituting The Real Deal for what I could understand!

My box for God was very small!

Through Rich's story, I began to see that I struggle with the same thing that every Christ follower struggles with. When we are called to step out in faith and do something completely unsafe and unpredictable we think that God has suddenly lost His mind and doesn't know who He's dealing with......US!
The truth of it is that God DOES know who He's dealing with, but we know our "god in a box" can't do squat for us if we move to Africa. Our "god in a box" isn't capable of providing for us if we move to another state and don't have our family around. Our "god in a box" won't make sure we have a job as soon as we graduate college and we're going to end up with all these student loans and no way to pay for them! HOWEVER, we MUST look back and realize that our "god in a box" didn't exist until we got scared! Until we started relying on our own means.
OF COURSE God would call us to go live in Africa and serve orphans. Of course he would have you adopt a child from another country when your age and your finances and everything else around you tells you it's a bad idea.
I can't help but think of Abraham and God told him to go and he went! Anybody else see the simplicity of that sentence? God said go. Abraham went. Seriously. If God told me to go. I'd be like....yeah, right, and who's gonna pay for my cute little red car. How am I gonna afford to go over there. Where will I live once I'm there. How long am I going to be there. What will I do when I come back? Will I come back?
I'm just being honest! Me and the computer right now....those are my thoughts!
I am learning......I am being TAUGHT more and more that God will provide. He will take care of His children. He clothes the flowers of the field. He has already taken care of all my needs!

(Whew! And that's just book one!)

Second Book
The Gospel According to Jesus: John MacArthur
Holy smokes! I am on Part 1 chapter 1 of this book and will be for awhile. I have been reading and re-reading it so much. Never in my life have I felt like this. The Lord has been showing himself to me in a way that I've never known Him before. Instead of me feeling like "Stupid! Why didn't you know this?" I feel like the Lord has truly become my teacher and just gently said "If you will follow me and stay close to me I will show you who I truly am." It has been a sweet time for me to just realize who He is and once again be reminded that the "god in a box" is less desirable than the Lord! Realizing the fact that I am not a servant but a slave to Christ could be a harsh realization, but to me it has almost made my understanding of Him so much clearer! I'm not anywhere near grasping "it", but I truly feel like the Lord has been teaching me so much and my desire is to soak as much in as possible.

Third Book
Forgotten God: Francis Chan
There's something that tells me I will be reading this book for a long time! I finished it. Underlined all through it. Then just the other night my brother text me and said "You gotta go look at these pages." That changed my whole attitude! I will cut down some in order to not write longer than necessary, but I will say, regardless of if you're a Chan fan or not, you MUST read this book! Seriously. Go to Barnes and Noble today and read it. You will not be sorry!

We are scared to make mistakes, so we fret over figuring out God's will. We wonder what living according to His will would actually look and feel like, and we are scared to find out. We forget that we were never promised a twenty-year plan of action; instead, God promises multiple times in Scripture never to leave or forsake us.

.....Jesus Christ didn't die in order to follow us!

I even underlined this and yet when I went back and read it meant a whole something different! Life looked A LOT different when I read this last month vs. when I read it last night. God is not predictable. He never promised us that. He said "follow me" and he promises he will never leave nor forsake us.
It is my desperate desire to live DAILY in that truth.

Book Four
Crazy Love: Francis Chan
I am actually listening to this book which is a whole new deal to me. I'm not sure how much of a fan I am of it. Mainly because I keep waiting for Chan's voice to change and him to get just a tad bit excited and he never does. Just sits there and reads the book. =)
I do not want to take away at all from the powful message that this book has. The chapter that has hit me the most is the fifth one "Serving Leftover to a Holy God". This will kick you in the gut! It is hard to think of the idea that our lukewarm christianity makes God want to vomit! He doesn't even want to be near us. Yet we are so self righteous and continue to look at the sinner next to us and say "Well I didn't do THAT!"
I cannot encourage you enough to read this book. It is more than a "must read". It will change your life!

That is all for now! Hope you enjoyed this "off the cuff" blog! There is much more that I want to share, but that will be for a later time. If you read all the way to the end of this, you totally deserve a prize OR you're just entirely too bored!