It's been awhile

Know those people who blog and it seems like every new blog is a great excuse of why they haven't blogged in awhile? Well, not here. No apologies for not blogging! I don't even feel bad. Not even a little bit! Okay, well maybe just a tad! =)
I have self-edited this blog way too many times, and ended up erasing everything I had written. I'm starting with a somewhat "blank slate" (except for the first paragraph because I thought that was pretty funny!)

So here's some thoughts that have been going through my mind the past few days. It all stemmed when I starting read this book at Barnes & Noble. I was nearly in tears while reading and had to quit reading and go home and pray because I was so overwhelmed with all I felt God was revealing to me.

Here are some of the notes that I took while reading:

I aimed for godliness as an idea, but was quick to snag the do-over of grace when my intentions proved faulty.

I judged. I condemned. And I thought it was okay because people of the church were still impressed with me.
But the world was watching.

I pursued Christian success instead of pursuing Christ. I spoke witty insults as commonly as profound prayers.

Not truly Christian-but rather, merely ChristianISH.

As a church community it is time we asked ourselves a startling question: What if we're not really following Jesus at all?

Our Christian intention has sharp edges. It has the ability to mold and shape, but also to stab and permanently damage.

I couldn't believe what I was actually reading, only because I knew I'd never written that book before, but to actually be reading words that seemed so true to me and so deep inside that I didn't even know they were there, I could hardly handle it. Like, seriously, has someone been stalking me?! I still can't believe how true those words are to me and am sobered to even type that I have had all of those exact thoughts and more!

For a long time I have sensed that there's something missing in THE CHURCH. Not the church you pass on the way home every day or the one you go to on Sundays, but THE CHURCH of believers! US! Me. You. I feel like there is something that we are missing.
I think that we have created church into something that we "do" a place that we go! Forgetting that WE are in fact THE CHURCH. That's us! Not a building. We don't "go to church" we ARE the church!
Why is it so easy for me to smile on Sundays and pretend like life is absolutely wonderful when everything inside of me wants to scream "Life just doesn't make sense and I don't understand what's going on!" Instead I opt for "I'm fabulous! How are you?!"
I think sometimes I leave church and really feel like the message was great. Took good notes. Got a lot out of it, but then my life on Monday....heck, the rest of the day Sunday....completely unaffected!
?Why is that? I know that this is not only a struggle that I face, hints: the book in at B&N that could practically be my life story and the fact that there are MILLIONS of people in Tyler (okay, not that many) but a lot of people, just in a 20 minutes radius of me who all went to church on Sunday and the world around us is completely unaffected! I mean, I talk to ONE girl in my apartment complex and that is only because she is my age, looks a lot like me...and also works at a church! It's safe!
I mean, I'm just gonna be honest, I like people that are like me, because...I like me! I'm safe. There are no curve balls!
I don't think God wants us to live that kind of life. I mean, seriously, by now, I think the entire Tyler are, heck, all of Texas should have heard the gospel by now, but I am truly convinced that there are people that live in our neighborhoods that really have no idea who Jesus Christ really is, let alone the fact that he is absolutely head over heels in love with them and gave the entire world just to be with them. I mean, can you imagine that?! God is so in love with His people and we're too comfortable that we can't even tell others about him?!

This is something that has been in my mind for a lot longer than I want to admit and I have done nothing about it. Nothing! I’m not okay with it anymore and I’m definitely not comfortable anymore. Change must and will happen!