I'm Just Sayin!

Does it even matter?

2010-07-21T16:45:00.001-07:00

What if it didn't matter anymore?What if everything you did today didn't count for anything once you woke up the next morning? What if no one's listening when you speak? What if our dreams for our lives fail? What if we disappoint our friends and family?

If God was the only one who gave notice to my life would it be enough for me? There are so many times that I feel inadequate. I feel like I'm not making a big enough difference. There are many days that I wonder if it even matters anymore.

The Creator of the universe has called me to live a life that he hasn't called anyone else to. It's difficult sometimes trying to fit into my own story. It's not as simple and clutter free as I'd like it to be; certainly not as pretty as I want it to be. I'm learning that's okay.

In the last several months I've been surrounded by people some much older than me, some younger, all living a different story than I. It's been neat to me to watch the creativeness of our Maker and how he fits everything into place. It's also amazing to me to look at the road some have traveled and see how simple mine really is. It's humbling to see some of the family dynamics and be reminded yet again of how blessed I have been to grow up in the family I have!

But I keep going back to the question "does it really matter?"

I currently nanny for a family, whom I absolutely adore. Four sweet kids that could not be anymore different. Everyday I look them in the eyes and am challenged to "make it matter". I want their lives to be different tomorrow because of what we did today. I want them to grow up in a world that will show them Christ. I want them to see Christ in me.

As I sometimes struggle with them and think "if I have to say it one more time" I wonder how much God does that with me! Then I'm ashamed because he has that conversation with me DAILY!!!
"How many times are you going to give into jealousy?"
"When will you learn that right always wins?"
"When will you stop fighting and let Me be enough?"
"When will you stop trying to make Me play by your rules?"

I want Christ and I want all of Him, but He wants all of me! In order for that to happen I have to give up living for Laura and live for Christ and make Him ALL THAT MATTERS.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Testing

2010-03-09T20:25:00.001-08:00

This is only a test!

Further Discussion into Romans 9

2010-02-23T09:25:00.000-08:00

As I began to flip through my Bible and read through Romans 9, I noticed something strange. I pulled out one of my older Bibles that I have marked through for the past....almost decade, NOTHING in Romans 9 is underlined. Y'all, if you could see my Bible almost every other chapter in here has something underlined, highlihghted, or written to the side.

I only mention this to validate what I wrote yesterday about skipping over the parts of the Bible that I didn't like or didn't understand.

Please note as well as I go through and pull apart certain verses, that I am by no means a Bible scholar. I am years behind in wisdom of those I most look up to.

v.10-15 Not only that, but Rebekah's children had one in the same father, our father Isaac. Yet, before the twins were born or had done anything good or bad - in order that God's purpose in election might stand: not by work, but by him who calls - she was told, "The older will serve the younger." Just as it is written: "Jacob, I loved, but Essaue I hated." What shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For he says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion."

I have often talked about my "God in a box". I cannot tell y'all how much the Lord has been pulling back those layers and revealing more of who He is to me. I see it again in this passage of scripture. I think The Message translation puts what I'm thinking in clearer tearms.

v. 11 What God did in this case made it perfectly plain that His purpose is not a hit-or-miss thing dependant on what we do or don't do, but a sure thing determined by his decision, flowing steadily from his initiative.

This shows a piece in the character of God that I have decided to ignore up until now. We cannot think that God is love and will give us eveything pretty that we ask for and then ignore the wrath of the cross.God chooses whom he will bless and who he will curse. God is huge and powerful and mighty. I don't understand the sovereigness of His hand, however, I have no right to question it.

This humbles me so much because I see a glimpse of just how unworthy I am. When I was NOTHING, could do NOTHING, and knew absolutely NOTHING; the Lord chose me. Loved me. Died for me. My actions cannot make him love me any more or any less.

I seriously can't even begin to understand the weight of the truth of all of this. I am praying that God will continually change my heart and open my eyes to who He truly is.

John McArthur and a trip to St. Louis

2010-02-22T15:10:00.000-08:00

I have decided to take some of this down time that I've been given and read as much as possible. As in a previous post I mentioned how many books I'm reading right now. Totally out of control! I am happy to report that two of those I have completed.

One that I am focusing in on right now is The Gospel According to Jesus by John MacArthur. My friend Mark loaned me his copy and I am devouring it right now. Growing up in church there are certain things that you just know. You don't know why you know them. Who told them to you. Or how they're true. But it doesn't change the fact that's what you've grown up believing.

Probably just in the past year I felt like I have been bombarded with theology of Christ. I was completely opposed to it at first. I didn't want to hear any of it. I was right, they were wrong, what more do we need to discuss? Upon a recent trip back to St. Louis I was able to meet with a couple of sweet friends. Friends who have challenged me continually in my walk. Friends who know me inside and out. Friends that I completely trust with my heart and am willing to lay it on the line in front of them.

As we were visiting I started talking to them about some of this "theology" that I'd been hearing and wanted to know what they thought about it. I could tell by their question back to me of "What are your thoughts"; that we weren't going to be on the same team! =) We began talking and I laid out my struggles and hesitations. Instead of telling me what some great theologian had said my friend simply picked up his Bible and began reading Romans 9.

That immediately changed my attitude right there. I'd never had anyone point to scripture when they began their rant on theology. They always picked up their newest Keller book or a MacArthur book or quoted one of Piper's most recent sermons.

When we began reading and discussing Romans 9 I finally realized something that I'd never noticed before. The fact that I am ignorant to what scripture says! I read what I have always read. I read what "makes sense" to me. I read the parts that I like. I leave the rest for someone else.

I have very wise friends who know a great deal about the Bible and what it has to say. They have also read many more books than I have and studied more than I ever will about scripture and what the Gospel is truly about. (I'll share more tomorrow about what I learned in Romans 9)

The bottom line is: I was in the wrong. My defenses were up because I didn't want someone telling me I was wrong. Since this time I have truly tried to listen more honestly not to what others are telling me is truth, but to what the Lord is saying. I was completely ignoring Him because He wasn't who I thought he was.

What about you? Can you think of some things that you've been ignorant to merely because you didn't want to be wrong?

On My Mind

2010-02-15T13:38:00.000-08:00

I had a conversation last week with one of my sweet friends, and my heart has been in a constant turmoil ever since. This is part of what has been flooding my mind all week...

Everytime I see all the hurt and suffering that is going on in the world my heart breaks. I want to fix it so badly. I want to go to Afghanistan and hold those precious children and women who live their lives everyday in fear because there is a constant battle going on....on their street. I want to be in Haiti with all those sweet people who have lost everything they own. Mothers who stay awake all night holding the cloth roof up on their "home" so that their children can sleep and not be rained on. My heart hurts for countries like India and Greece where Human Trafficking is a largly populated crime. Where, in India, 5-7,000 children are trafficked each year. I want to save them. I want to protect them.

Often I am reminded of the verse in Matthew chapter 25 that says "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

It has been very sobering for me to read through "The Hole in our Gospel" by Richard Stearns. There are many places that it hits entirely close to home. After quoting the entire chapter of Matthew 25, Stearns goes on to write his own version of what we think of this on a daily basis.

"For I was hungry, while you had all you needed. I was thirsty, but you drank bottled water. I was a stranger, and you wanted me deported. I needed clothes, but you needed MORE clothes. I was sick, and you pointed out the behaviors that led to my sickness. I was in prison, and you said I was getting what I deserved."

As much as it breaks my heart to see the hurting in another country, it doesn't even phase me when I see it across the street or even at my church. I am very quick to judge why others are going through the situations that they are. It's easy to feel sorry and want to comfort someone who lives 8,000 miles away. It's MUCH harder to love my neighbor.

I want this to change. I want to allow God to radically change my heart for the hurting. I want to have the eyes of Christ and see people the way He did. As my desire to have the heart of Christ grows, I know that my desire to see Laura Carlson succeed and be famous, will diminish. I pray that my life every day will seek to make Him famous.

Off The Cuff

2010-02-04T21:49:00.000-08:00

It has been incredibly too long since I've last blogged. Life is a whirlwind and that will never change! SHOOT!! I have no kids, nor a husband to add to the mix and I am having a difficult time keeping up with ME! (I think there's a prayer of thanksgiving hidden in there somewhere.)

I have been reading A LOT lately. Seriously. It's a tad bit out of control. Not even the reading several books just for information and not reading the whole thing. No sir! I am reading them all....and the plan is to complete them all!

Here's the list and my thoughts thus far on each one.

The Hole in Our Gospel: Richard Stearns
This book has challenged me. This book has in a sense made me realize that I'm not the only one God is calling out. Stay with me here. Rich, who is the President of World Vision, was CEO of, I believe, two larger companies before he felt God calling him to be at World Vision.
The way this opened my eyes is because in the past probably 6-7 months I have really felt like God has been showing me that I worship a "god in a box". I worship and serve what I believe to be God, however, it's not God at all. You see. My "god in a box" is very safe. Very predictable. Loves me. Wants me to be happy....no matter the cost.
Through various incomparable circumstances, HE is teaching me that I worship my version of Him because my feeble mind can't handle who He really is. Don't get self righteous too fast, because none of our minds can fathom the greatness of this God, but I was substituting The Real Deal for what I could understand!

My box for God was very small!

Through Rich's story, I began to see that I struggle with the same thing that every Christ follower struggles with. When we are called to step out in faith and do something completely unsafe and unpredictable we think that God has suddenly lost His mind and doesn't know who He's dealing with......US!
The truth of it is that God DOES know who He's dealing with, but we know our "god in a box" can't do squat for us if we move to Africa. Our "god in a box" isn't capable of providing for us if we move to another state and don't have our family around. Our "god in a box" won't make sure we have a job as soon as we graduate college and we're going to end up with all these student loans and no way to pay for them! HOWEVER, we MUST look back and realize that our "god in a box" didn't exist until we got scared! Until we started relying on our own means.
OF COURSE God would call us to go live in Africa and serve orphans. Of course he would have you adopt a child from another country when your age and your finances and everything else around you tells you it's a bad idea.
I can't help but think of Abraham and God told him to go and he went! Anybody else see the simplicity of that sentence? God said go. Abraham went. Seriously. If God told me to go. I'd be like....yeah, right, and who's gonna pay for my cute little red car. How am I gonna afford to go over there. Where will I live once I'm there. How long am I going to be there. What will I do when I come back? Will I come back?
I'm just being honest! Me and the computer right now....those are my thoughts!
I am learning......I am being TAUGHT more and more that God will provide. He will take care of His children. He clothes the flowers of the field. He has already taken care of all my needs!

(Whew! And that's just book one!)

Second Book
The Gospel According to Jesus: John MacArthur
Holy smokes! I am on Part 1 chapter 1 of this book and will be for awhile. I have been reading and re-reading it so much. Never in my life have I felt like this. The Lord has been showing himself to me in a way that I've never known Him before. Instead of me feeling like "Stupid! Why didn't you know this?" I feel like the Lord has truly become my teacher and just gently said "If you will follow me and stay close to me I will show you who I truly am." It has been a sweet time for me to just realize who He is and once again be reminded that the "god in a box" is less desirable than the Lord! Realizing the fact that I am not a servant but a slave to Christ could be a harsh realization, but to me it has almost made my understanding of Him so much clearer! I'm not anywhere near grasping "it", but I truly feel like the Lord has been teaching me so much and my desire is to soak as much in as possible.

Third Book
Forgotten God: Francis Chan
There's something that tells me I will be reading this book for a long time! I finished it. Underlined all through it. Then just the other night my brother text me and said "You gotta go look at these pages." That changed my whole attitude! I will cut down some in order to not write longer than necessary, but I will say, regardless of if you're a Chan fan or not, you MUST read this book! Seriously. Go to Barnes and Noble today and read it. You will not be sorry!
We are scared to make mistakes, so we fret over figuring out God's will. We wonder what living according to His will would actually look and feel like, and we are scared to find out. We forget that we were never promised a twenty-year plan of action; instead, God promises multiple times in Scripture never to leave or forsake us.
.....Jesus Christ didn't die in order to follow us!
I even underlined this and yet when I went back and read it meant a whole something different! Life looked A LOT different when I read this last month vs. when I read it last night. God is not predictable. He never promised us that. He said "follow me" and he promises he will never leave nor forsake us.
It is my desperate desire to live DAILY in that truth.

Book Four
Crazy Love: Francis Chan
I am actually listening to this book which is a whole new deal to me. I'm not sure how much of a fan I am of it. Mainly because I keep waiting for Chan's voice to change and him to get just a tad bit excited and he never does. Just sits there and reads the book. =)
I do not want to take away at all from the powful message that this book has. The chapter that has hit me the most is the fifth one "Serving Leftover to a Holy God". This will kick you in the gut! It is hard to think of the idea that our lukewarm christianity makes God want to vomit! He doesn't even want to be near us. Yet we are so self righteous and continue to look at the sinner next to us and say "Well I didn't do THAT!"
I cannot encourage you enough to read this book. It is more than a "must read". It will change your life!

That is all for now! Hope you enjoyed this "off the cuff" blog! There is much more that I want to share, but that will be for a later time. If you read all the way to the end of this, you totally deserve a prize OR you're just entirely too bored!

Phillipians 3

2010-01-08T08:37:00.000-08:00

Paul is, hands down, one of my favorite NT writers. He is so real. He doesn't seem to every get "preachy", even though that's exactly what he's doing. Never goes into a speaking engagement or blog post with a "holier than you" perspective. He knows full well he was just like us and that is still part of who he is and who we are; no matter how hard we try to fight it.

v. 3-7 For we are the circumcision, who worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also. If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; 6 as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless. But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ

Paul does not shy away from who he was. He was the best of the best and is admitting "That's still not enough. It's not enough just to be a good person. Paul was! If that's what it took he would've been ahead of all of us and even still! They was no one that was greater at following the law than he was!

This part of scripture is always a smack in the face to me no matter when I read it. I feel like I spend so much time trying to "be good" and do the "right thing" and reading this Paul is saying "Dude, I did the right thing! I was the best at doing the right thing, but that just doesn't matter!" Doing good cannot be our goal!

v. 13-14 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

This is where our hope comes from. When we forget what is behind and move forward to what is ahead! So many times we spend our time looking back and apologizing for the life that we've lived. Apologizing for the mistakes we've made. The times we've failed. Instead, Christ wants us to live in victory. He wants us to live in the knowledge that he has overcome all of our baggage and we must move forward with him. (Wow, that sounded a little too "Joel Osteen-ish)

I love the Lord so much and I pray that I will live out His love for me as I strive to love others. I pray that I will not simply "do good things", but that I will strive towards the goal of Christ Jesus. Always remembering that He will be glorified all the more when I die to self.

Philipians 2

2010-01-07T07:23:00.001-08:00

I am so blessed by reading the Word of God. I am ashamed that I have been a believer as long as I have and have sadly taken it for granted.

v. 3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

I have a college leader who explained this once and it has continually stuck with me. To consider others more significant than yourselves is to not think lowly of yourself, but to think soberly of yourself. There is nothing that makes us exempt from making the same mistakes that others have.

v. 14 Do all things without grumbling or questioning.

I am such a questioner. My entire life I have. Mom even tells me I was the kid that always asked "Why?" I need an answer an explanation for everything! Or at least I think I do! This verse is such a good reminder to me today as so many things that go on in life and I find myself questioning God. God doesn't owe me an answer. I'm not entitled to that.

Yesterday I had someone ask me "Why did God tell Moses that no man should see his face and live."? (Ex. 3:20) This is something I had never thought of before, but upon thinking of it and being challenged with this thought I just kept coming to the same conclusion. "Because He's God. That's why!" There's not another answer that is anywhere close to being adequate. God does not owe us further explanation. Sometimes we are given that, but never entitled to it. I never want to question the authority of God by questioning the will of God.

v.16 holding fast to the word of life SO THAT in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.

As I just mentioned with never being owed an explanation of a command; there are times we are granted that. I appreciate these times, in fact, anytime there is a "so that" in my Bible, there is a little box around it!

Just the very little bit I am reading has made me all the more grateful for those who have gone before us and walked a hard road in order for us to have any sort of guidance. I pray that I remember this whenever I go through hard time that it is not for me but for the Gospel and the spiritual growth of someone else.

Starting it up with Phillipians

2010-01-06T08:52:00.000-08:00

As soon as I finished reading through Galatians I wanted a new book to jump into. A good friend encouraged me to begin reading through Philippians. I have begun and here is what God is teaching me thus far.

v. 6 And I am sure that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

LOVE this verse, like so many of you. I often will have a "great idea" and work on it with everything I have and realize either a.) it wasn't really a great idea to begin with or b.) completely run out of steam and start searching for the next best thing.

I am so thankful that God never had a great idea about my life but that he had PLAN for my life since the beginning of time and He promises to bring that to completion!

v. 9-11 And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

There is no way for me to adequately sum this up, other than agreeing with this prayer. I pray that I don't gain knowledge for the sake of knowledge, but that through this knowledge Christ will reveal himself to me that I may love more. I pray that I will be able to approve what is excellent. I pray that God will continue to stretch me and challenge to the point that I'm certain I can't take it anymore, only to realize that He always has been and always will be ENOUGH!

Forgotten God - Francis Chan

2010-01-05T10:24:00.000-08:00

One of my goals this year is to read two books a month. I enjoy reading so much but have not really had a good outlet to share what I've learned during the process.

After reading "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan, my perception of the Holy Spirit is forever changed. It has been my prayer that I would continue to walk in the knowledge of the power that is inside of me because of the Holy Spirit.

Prior to reading the book I had big dreams for my life, but they were nothing more than that. Merely dreams of what could happen one day, but I knew they probably wouldn't. I didn't realize the power of the Holy Spirit. I was completely unaware of how big and great the plans God had for my life were. I have now realized that I quite possibly could've been quenching what the Holy Spirit wanted to do in my life.

Here are just a handful of the quote that really jumped out at me.

"Shouldn't there be a huge difference between the person who has the Spirit of God living inside of him or her and the person who does not?"

"Many of us don't need more knowledge about the Spirit from a cerebral vantage point - what we need is experiential knowledge of His presence."

"Do you have enough humility to be open to the possibility that you have been wrong in your understanding of the Spirit?"

"I think that quite often we worry a lot more about how people will respond to us than we do about how the Holy Spirit of God will respond. But rarely (if ever) do we consider whether our actions or lifestyle are grievous to the Spirit of the living God!"

"When you begin living a life characterized by walking with the Spirit, that is when people will begin to look not to you but to our Father in heaven and give Him the Praise."

"We are made to be like Elijah, who did not question whether God would show His face that day. He prayed and asked for help, and God sent down fire from heaven in response."

"I don't want my life to be explainable without the Holy Spirit. I want to live in such a way that I am desperate for Him to come through. That if He doesn't come through, I am screwed!"

"We have to get on the treadmill and run - merely looking at the workout machine doesn't do a whole lot."

"The Spirit who raised Christ from the dead is not someone we can just call on when we want a little extra power in our lives. Jesus Christ did not die in order to follow us. He died and rose again so that we could forget everything else and follow Him to the cross, to true life."

Since reading this book I am completely convinced that any dream I could have for my life I will be able to fulfill; because of the power of the Holy Spirit living in me. I'm not convinced that at the end of my life people will know who "Laura Carlson" was, but I truly pray that because of my life Christ will be more famous and people will only remember Him and His work in their lives.

God is still working on my heart about these things. I cannot even begin to expound on them all. I cannot encourage you enough to pick this book up. Very much life changing!

The Rest of the decade in a whirlwind!

2010-01-04T06:53:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I pretty much did a horrible job at keeping up with the decade and letting y'all know how exciting my life has been the past ten years. You will now get the whole decade! Beginning with 2002! I have so many things that I want to blog about, but I will definitely finish this first! So here goes.

2002
This year was interesting. Sophomore year of high school. I still remember the youth camp we went to this year. It was in Kentucky. I don't remember the name of it, but it was great. It was such a good experience and I totally enjoyed it.
In the fall of '02 I had a very good friend die suddenly from an ATV accident. This definitely rocked my world. The one thing I still carry with me from this event is something that my Dad said to me. "God puts people in our lives for a reason. What are you going to do with it when they're gone?" This began the process of God teaching me not only that our life is short, but that we must be intentional and we must make everything count.

2003
This, being my junior year, was the year that I really started asking the question and struggling with the question (That I still ask myself today) "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Hate that question. I almost still do because I just don't have a concrete answer to that and it kills me!
At this point in my life I wanted to go to Belmont University in Nashville, TN and major in music business. My DREAM was to be a road manager. Thought that was just the absolute coolest job in the world! For those that don't know. Four years THEN at Belmont would've cost me about $70,000! That's a little bit out of control, completely unattainable. Was NOT going to be happening.

2004
Sr. Year! Yeah baby! This was a totally great year. Sr. Year and I got out of school at 11. It truly does not get any better than this! This was also a fun year because Rebecca and I drove to school together! We had way too much fun sometimes. It was great.

2005
This would be year one at the community college. Crazy town. Was not a fan of this experience AT ALL. High school was four of the longest years of my life. I did not enjoy it. I have often wished that I could go back to high school now with my attitude and personality now. I was so stinking shy and timid in high school. Didn't talk to anyone and was completely okay if no one talked to me. When entering community college nearly everyone that I was with in high school I was at college with. This led to a not very fun experience. I ended up not finishing in 2006 and began working as much full time as possible.

2006-2007
During our eight years in Missouri from 2000-2008 this was a very trying time for our family. In so many different areas. There were many times that I would pray sobbing asking God why He was taking us through this time. Wondering what we had done to deserve this. It was then that I begin to realize we are loved, but we are not entitled. I remember reading about Moses in the wilderness for forty years and the people having everything provided for them but yet they were still complaining. THEN after being in the wilderness for forty years Moses didn't even lead the children of Israel to the Promise Land! Realizing this was the point in which I believe Christ started teaching me about entitlement. We are called to serve Him and bring Him glory alone.

2008
This year changed A LOT! Not only did we move back to Texas, but my brother got married! This was a very exciting time for us being so happy for he and Kelly and so excited about bringing her into our family. At the same time, however, we are dealing with selling a house and moving to another state. It was crazy, but that was totally God's timing and I am so thankful that HE was the one in control and not any of us.
I began working that fall at a church in Tyler doing secretarial things and everything else that wasn't defined to a current position. It was fun and I totally enjoyed my time there. God DEFINITELY taught me a lot and I am thankful for what he taught me while there.

2009
LOTS happened this year! Began a new job. I got a new car! (Thanks Josh Knight!) I moved into my own apartment. My sister got married and moved to MISSOURI. And then 6 months later I moved back home to Palestine with the folks. I learned a lot while I was living on my own. 1.) I don't like living alone. 2.) It costs A LOT to live alone.
Lesson learned. Back with the folks and enjoying it. Love being with my parents and enjoy our time together so much. It's been fun being back. I'm not enjoying driving a two-hour round trip to work each day, but it has been a welcomes break.

Here is my decade! 2010 has been wonderful so far and I am truly anxious about what this year holds. I have great expectation and love not knowing what the end of this story will look like.

And the decade continues 2001

2009-12-23T06:59:00.000-08:00

As I look back over 2001 and think of how life has changed and any defining moments the main one that sticks out to me and probably most anyone is September 11th.
We all know where we were. What we were doing. How we found out. It's the JFK shooting of this generation!

One thing I do remember about that is I was so totally convinced that Jesus was coming back. I mean, seriously. (quit laughing) I was reading through revelations like it was my job! A few days into it I had a realization of "Oh great, I'm one of "them" now!"

Know those people who only go to God when they have exhausted all their resources. When they tried absolutely everything and it's still not working. THEN they go to God? Yeah, that's what I felt like! I didn't rededicate my life or anything like that. What happened is I decided to be more intentional with how I was living.

Reading through Revelations or any part of the Bible isn't bad, but what's the point if your life isn't changed? In no way was that an over night change, but it was definitely the beginning of the process for me of being intentional about my relationship with God. It was no longer something that sat on the shelf and looked pretty on Sundays, but it was something that actually defined who I am.

Even today I am in the process of continually working out my relationship with God and continually journeying with him every step of the way!

In a decade.....2000

2009-12-22T06:51:00.000-08:00

I really want to begin blogging for the next ten days over the passed decade and everything that has gone on and really just how much my life has changed in ten years. As a person I have completely changed and my family dynamics have changed and I really just want to take time to look back and remember that and be thankful for it.

2000
The year that life changed! Literally! The summer of 2000 I was 15. We moved that summer from Texas to Missouri. Seven hundred miles never seemed so far away. Rebecca and I were fixing to go into high school and Ben was going into his senior year. It didn't make sense to any of us, but we all had a peace that we were doing exactly what God had called us to.
Dad got called to a church in Missouri. That was a HUGE step for all of us when for me personally I just felt like God saying “Do you trust me now?” Texas was safe for us. It was home. It was predictable. Life was so good. We had just moved into a beautiful new home. We loved our school. It was a great time for all of us, and then it all changed.
One of the songs that I remember hearing when we were in the process of this is one by Avalon called Move or Move Me. The chorus spoke to me and gave me so much peace that I knew it was from the Lord. It simply said:

Lord move in a way that I’ve never seen before.
Cause there’s a mountain in the way and a lock on the door.
I’m drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore.
So Lord move, or move me.

So many friends were left behind in Texas. It absolutely broke me to think of leaving them. All the high school years without my friends. Wondering if I'd ever see them again. It was hard, but we did it.

The relationships that we had when we were in Missouri were neat. It definitely took a lot of getting used to. It was a hard adjustment, but we made some good friends in that first year.

I would have never imagine starting off 2000 that my life would change as much as it did just in that first year, but God has truly blessed our family because of our willingness to obey Him, and it definitely made us that much more dependent on Him alone!

Galatians 6

2009-12-21T13:25:00.000-08:00

Totally jumpin right into this this week!

v. 2 Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

In no way do we look more like Christ than when we are carrying one another's burdens. This is the whole point of Mark 12 when Christ says "Love your neighbor as yourself." We get so caught up in our selfishness by just living our own life. The whole point of the Gospel is to continually serve those around us for the sake of making Christ famous.

v.9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

There are two things that stick out to me. I like that Paul makes the statement that you "will" grow weary of doing good. Anyone that been in any service/ministry aspect knows how tiring you can be to do good. It really can be.
This verse has been such an encouragement to me at very different seasons in my life. I love the promise that we WILL reap a harvest but we must not give up! We just can't! It is so easy for me to look around at what is going around and think "Seriously? I'M going to make a difference? Nope!" I forget too quickly that I have the power of the Holy Spirit IN ME! Christ has commanded me to "do good" and what's better than that He promised that "We will reap a harvest....IF WE DON'T GIVE UP!!"

v. 14 But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

I love that Christ teaches us the right way to boast, and that is only through him and only through the cross. Check out my friend Mark's blog for more details just on this verse and how Christ coming has taught us how to boast.

Conviction

2009-12-19T19:23:00.000-08:00

As I have been reading and blogging through Galatians a plan on starting through Phillippians next week there is a certain amount of conviction that is beginning to set in.

The one question that I try and ask myself on a fairly regular basis is "What's the point?" From my current activity, hobby, job, mindset. Everything that make up the ingredients of who I am I want to continually take inventory of that and ask "what's the point?"

If it's not challenging me or edifying the body then I want to make a change!

So with going through this blog and these readings, if it doesn't change the person that I am then what is the point? I pray that this will become more than a daily activity and that I would allow God to be nosy in the deepest parts of my heart and let Him be the judge of what belongs and what doesn't.

May the convictions turn into transformation.

Galatians 6

2009-12-17T06:55:00.000-08:00

v. 2 Bear one an0ther's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

In no way do we look more like Christ than when we are carrying one another's burdens. This is the whole point of Mark 12 when Christ says "love your neighbor as yourself".
We get so caught up in our selfishness by just living our own life. The whole point of the Gospel is to continually service those around us for the sake of making Christ famous!

v. 9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

There are two things that stick out to me. I like that Paul subtly makes the statement that you "will" grow weary of doing good. Anyone that's been in any area of service knows how exhausting it can be to "do good". I love how Paul follows this up with some encouragement for endurance with "in due season we will reap, if we do not give up". So many times when I "do good" I would like my reward now please! Who has time for patience? I feel like Paul is big picturing us on the deal by simply saying "It'll come. When the time is just right, it will come. Don't give up."

This verse has been so encouraging to me in different seasons of my life. It is not only exhausting, but can sometimes be frustrating when you're following God's will and it just feels hard. A little bit of favor every once in awhile would be nice. I am totally encouraging to me to hear once again. You WILL reap a harvest.

Galatians 5

2009-12-15T14:52:00.000-08:00

The more I read this the more in love with Paul's heart I am! I seriously love this guy and his passion.

v. 7 You were running well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth? 8. This persuasion is not from Him who calls you.

Notice in v.7 it doesn't say "what" hindered you, but "who". I think this sticks out to me the most because so many times I look at the things that are hindering me and don't realize that the devil is actually the one controlling those things. Realizing this is part of the stepping back and realizing just how much spiritual warfare we're surrounded by.

v.25 If we live by the Spirit. 26. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

So humbling to read this last part of chapter 5. I am embarrassed by how conceited and big headed I can be. I really do think I know everything sometimes. It is hard learning the humility lesson. It's hard to compare my actions to Christ and not to those who I deem "beneath me".

We are called to edify one another. To put others before ourselves. I fail daily and am grateful to God for his unfailing love and grace.

Galatians 4

2009-12-14T12:14:00.000-08:00

Trekking on through Galatians and am amazed so much by what God is showing me. Both through His Word and in the peace that comes realizing He is still offering grace today. It seems like a lot of this book has been Paul reminding the Galatians about the God whom they have believed and in a sense telling them to grow up!

v. 4 But when the time arrived that was set by God the Father, God sent His Son, born among us of a woman, born under the conditions of the law so that he might redeem those of us who have been kidnapped by the law. (The Message)

The picture of God becoming man still amazes me. I mean, it'd be nice just to have someone on the sidelines of our life cheering us on and showing us the way. God did way more than that though. He left His throne in heaven to come down to earth. Still today he cares enough to crawl down into the foxholes of our life.

v. 11 I'm afraid I may have labored of you in vain. (The Message)

To hear Paul proclaim this absolutely breaks me. It makes me think so much of the people God has put in my life to mentor me. I have been so incredibly blessed by the men and women in my life that have poured their life into mine. I do not for a second take that for granted. I pray that as I grow in the Lord He will allow me to be that blessing in someone else's life.

v. 17 Those heretical teachers go to great lengths to flatter you, but their motives are rotten. They want to shut you out of the free world of God's grace so that you will always depend on them for approval and direction, making them feel important. (The Message)

This verse caught me on so many levels. First was really on the whole "people pleasing" level. It really is a dangerous place to be when we are seeking the approval of man. The second thing is I don't want to be this kind of teacher! I feel like I have some very controlling aspects to my own personality and that is so detrimental to the body of Christ. Christ has come to set all men free from the bondage of the law! We are to all live in that freedom!!

Galatians 3

2009-12-07T10:31:00.000-08:00

I absolutely love Paul's tone in this. I read it in the ESV and got to the end and had one of those "What in the world did I just read?!" Went back and read it in the message and understood it all over again!

The main gist of this is Paul going back and reminding the believers of whom they have believed! It's so easy for us in our life to begin "living for God" like it's something we do. Actions we take or things we say. Paul is totally throwing that mentality out the window here!

v.2-4 Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God's Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren't smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up! (The Message)

So many times in my personal life I just kinda go on auto-pilot and figure each decision out by what fits in "the box". Does this follow my plan? Is this going to get my to my projected goal? Is this a safe move? In the process of weighing out all variables it will often times hit me.....well not often...sometimes.....okay, occasionally, I will stop and realize that I am making decisions based on what is safe.

It has recently just been gently spoken to me that God doesn't get to show off when we live in the "safe". He does his biggest work when all the factors are there as humans to fail. When there is absolutely no possible way it can be done. THAT is when we get to say "To God alone be the glory". I think this is what Paul is going for here:

^5-6Answer this question: Does the God who lavishly provides you with his own presence, his Holy Spirit, working things in your lives you could never do for yourselves, does he do these things because of your strenuous moral striving or because you trust him to do them in you? Don't these things happen among you just as they happened with Abraham? He believed God, and that act of belief was turned into a life that was right with God.

God provides for us because he's God and for no other reason than that! He loves us with a love that we will never be able to comprehend. He blesses us because of His love for us. Nothing that we do will make him bless us more!

I pray that I will live in this truth! Live TODAY in this truth! Knowing that the God of the universe loves me with an undying love and live in complete obedience to Him and his will.

Galatians 2

2009-12-04T07:02:00.000-08:00

I think the overall theme of this chapter is the great lengths that Paul went through to preserve the Gospel. He did everything he could to avoid it being tainted by human opinion.

v. 14 "But when I saw their conduct was not in step with the truth of the Gospel, I said to Cephas before them all, "If you, though a Jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you force the Gentiles to live like Jews?"

I feel like sometimes the hardest place to be a Christian is in the church. We are so critical and judgemental. I love the stance that Paul takes in completely calling Peter out! Paul who was once persecuting the church! Blows my mind that he wouldn't shy away and not want to correct Peter, but he is so full of the truth of Christ that he can't help but proclaim that same truth.

v. 21 ...."for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose."

To think that we as Christians have reduced the Gospel down to a list of rules is so disheartening. We cannot handle the complexity of Christ so we have stuffed him in our box that we do understand and have then turned around and sold our "God in a box" without selling the Gospel!

Reading Through Galatians

2009-12-02T10:24:00.000-08:00

For about three weeks now I have had the book of Galatians on my heart. I have no idea why. I don't know what sparked my interest in this book, but decided that I would start reading it and just tear apart what I was getting from it.
I am a HUGE fan of reading commentaries and different authors who are much smarter than I with much more knowledge and experience, but I have just been personally challenged lately to really open up the Word and figure IT out for myself.

So here goes. I'm taking one chapter at a time and just figuring out the parts that really stick out to me.

Gal. 1:10
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

This hit me at the core! I am the biggest people pleaser I've ever known! I work so hard to not disappoint my parents, my friends, my boss. I am constantly working to make others happy. Throwin' this out there right now. You can NEVER make everyone happy. You will NEVER be able to be all things to all people. You will fail and people will be disappointed with you! There is a lot of pressure that comes with living this life also!

I was so convicted by this verse because it hit me right away that I am so concerned with what others think of me and making sure that I am "good enough". The fact that the opinion of man suddenly became more important to me than the opinion of God absolutely breaks me to even say that and acknowledge it in my life.
While reading the blog of Pete Wilson last week he wrote a blog that simply stated "Information does not equate transformation". This kinda made the impact of Galatians 1:10 all the more real to me. The fact that I have recognized my need for the approval of man and realizing how wrong that is; acknowledging it is not enough. There must be a transformation.
So I'm working on it and praying for God to show me ways to serve HIM.

1:11-12
For I would have you know, brothers, that the gospel that was preached by me is not man's gospel. 12 For I did not receive it from any man, nor was I taught it, but I received it through a revelation of Jesus Christ.

This has been a hard issue for me to not be ignorant about. It has really bothered me how some who are in the ministry that have gone to seminary put one seminary against another. As if someone is not qualified or AS qualified if they didn't attend seminary where someone else deems legit!
I have such a strong opinion on this and pray that only the truth of my conviction will come through on this part.

I truly believe that Paul is showing the legitimacy of his speech comes from Christ alone. From the teachings he has gotten directly from Jesus. Not from man.
There's something in that. There is something that happens in the heart of someone who has truly struggled with the real-deal-raw-issues of life and can be on the other side and say "Not only was I there and do I know where you're coming from, but here is what our response to Christ should be through this."
It speaks so much to me that the disciples were just real people. They weren't working in a church. They didn't have pretty clothes. Some of them not even accepted by culture, but Jesus knew that that's exactly who He came to reach.
I am so convicted that if we are not reaching out to the least of these then we have completely failed in our calling as a Christ follower.

Here are some of my thoughts. I would love to hear yours.

I am anxious to continue reading through this book and allowing Christ to change my heart with His will and His purpose.

Is it REALLY the MOST wonderful time of the year?

2009-12-01T07:38:00.000-08:00

Cannot believe that some stores have had Christmas decorations up for about two weeks now....and we're just now in DECEMBER!!!!! CRAZY!

This Holiday season has been kinda weird for the Carlson fam. With Ben & Rebecca both being married and having other families to go to, it's weird for me and the folks. It's made me instead of feeling real sorry for myself (which believe me, I'll do it on the drop of a hat!) more I have realized how many people the holidays really aren't a fun time for.
I am so blessed for all the times I have shared with my family and the fun times we do have when we’re together.

I have so many friends who have broken families or their family just doesn't like being together. The holidays aren't fun. It's not fun to be with family that you have avoided at all cost during the year. The family that you ignore on the caller id every time you see their name come up. The family that you would not even want to sit next to in church! Yeah....THAT family! You're now gonna have dinner with them and act like you like them. Sweep every family problem under the rug and life is wonderful.

So what’s so wonderful about this time of year anyway? I mean seriously. Family problems coming to the surface. Never knowing what to get someone! Going in debt until next summer! Really?! The MOST wonderful time of the year?

There are some members in every family who in our minds we have deemed that THEY are the ones that have done that absolute unforgivable sin….by our measure of course! What do you think about Mary & Joseph, I mean not everyone believed when Jesus was born that it was actually Him that was THE Messiah. What if there were members of their family that didn’t believe? How do you think their Christmas celebrations were? I mean the whole “reason for the season” was the whole reason why they didn’t even want to be together!

You know what I love about this. JESUS! Jesus was right in the middle of the dysfunctional family. I mean, seriously. Look at his genealogy. No secrets there! I love that Jesus was right in the middle of it.

Just like with our families! He crawls right in the middle of our dysfunction. Gets in the middle of our hurt. In the middle of our ugliness and hidden sins.

And what does he offer us? Love. Love unconditional. And what’s better than that is he offers forgiveness. If anyone knows anything about dysfunction it’s Jesus Christ.

I am so in awe of this great savior that CHOOSES to love me. Despite my ugliness. Despite my bitterness towards life. Despite my hurt and paint. Despite of……me. Jesus. The Saviour of the world. Loves……me.

It's been awhile

2009-09-17T12:51:00.000-07:00

Know those people who blog and it seems like every new blog is a great excuse of why they haven't blogged in awhile? Well, not here. No apologies for not blogging! I don't even feel bad. Not even a little bit! Okay, well maybe just a tad! =)
I have self-edited this blog way too many times, and ended up erasing everything I had written. I'm starting with a somewhat "blank slate" (except for the first paragraph because I thought that was pretty funny!)

So here's some thoughts that have been going through my mind the past few days. It all stemmed when I starting read this book at Barnes & Noble. I was nearly in tears while reading and had to quit reading and go home and pray because I was so overwhelmed with all I felt God was revealing to me.

Here are some of the notes that I took while reading:

I aimed for godliness as an idea, but was quick to snag the do-over of grace when my intentions proved faulty.

I judged. I condemned. And I thought it was okay because people of the church were still impressed with me.
But the world was watching.

I pursued Christian success instead of pursuing Christ. I spoke witty insults as commonly as profound prayers.

Not truly Christian-but rather, merely ChristianISH.

As a church community it is time we asked ourselves a startling question: What if we're not really following Jesus at all?

Our Christian intention has sharp edges. It has the ability to mold and shape, but also to stab and permanently damage.

I couldn't believe what I was actually reading, only because I knew I'd never written that book before, but to actually be reading words that seemed so true to me and so deep inside that I didn't even know they were there, I could hardly handle it. Like, seriously, has someone been stalking me?! I still can't believe how true those words are to me and am sobered to even type that I have had all of those exact thoughts and more!

For a long time I have sensed that there's something missing in THE CHURCH. Not the church you pass on the way home every day or the one you go to on Sundays, but THE CHURCH of believers! US! Me. You. I feel like there is something that we are missing.
I think that we have created church into something that we "do" a place that we go! Forgetting that WE are in fact THE CHURCH. That's us! Not a building. We don't "go to church" we ARE the church!
Why is it so easy for me to smile on Sundays and pretend like life is absolutely wonderful when everything inside of me wants to scream "Life just doesn't make sense and I don't understand what's going on!" Instead I opt for "I'm fabulous! How are you?!"
I think sometimes I leave church and really feel like the message was great. Took good notes. Got a lot out of it, but then my life on Monday....heck, the rest of the day Sunday....completely unaffected!
?Why is that? I know that this is not only a struggle that I face, hints: the book in at B&N that could practically be my life story and the fact that there are MILLIONS of people in Tyler (okay, not that many) but a lot of people, just in a 20 minutes radius of me who all went to church on Sunday and the world around us is completely unaffected! I mean, I talk to ONE girl in my apartment complex and that is only because she is my age, looks a lot like me...and also works at a church! It's safe!
I mean, I'm just gonna be honest, I like people that are like me, because...I like me! I'm safe. There are no curve balls!
I don't think God wants us to live that kind of life. I mean, seriously, by now, I think the entire Tyler are, heck, all of Texas should have heard the gospel by now, but I am truly convinced that there are people that live in our neighborhoods that really have no idea who Jesus Christ really is, let alone the fact that he is absolutely head over heels in love with them and gave the entire world just to be with them. I mean, can you imagine that?! God is so in love with His people and we're too comfortable that we can't even tell others about him?!

This is something that has been in my mind for a lot longer than I want to admit and I have done nothing about it. Nothing! I’m not okay with it anymore and I’m definitely not comfortable anymore. Change must and will happen!

Things I liked about Thursday 8.19

2009-08-20T14:01:00.000-07:00

1. Adding more people to Discover Bethel. I'm beyond encouraged at the amount that has signed up for this class.
2. Realizing the greatness of God and that He works on His Timline, NOT MINE!
3. Hanging out with some of the sweetest people! Gosh, Bethel has some incredible families
4. Seeing my sweet friend Meredith and laughing so hard! Oh my goodness! Love that girl!
5. Laughing at some stuff Todd is editing. Wow.
6. My Dad laughing at me! =) THAT, however, is an everday occurence!
7. Bailey's for some fajitas! Love that sweet family!

Things I liked about Tuesday 8.18

2009-08-19T07:28:00.000-07:00

1. Being back in the office after nearly a week out and seeing everybody again!
2. Having lunch with my Dad.
3. Beating Terry Borens at ping pong. True story folks, I really did!
4. Discover Bethel sign up so far being more than last years! So excited about all these new people at Bethel.
5. Dinner with a new friend.

Things I liked about....Monday 8.17

2009-08-18T09:43:00.000-07:00

1. Kel's parents taking me to the airport. LOVE them.
2. No one sitting in the middle seat on flight #1
3. Flights being EARLY!
4. Dad's face when I surprised him at his office.
5. Spending the whole afternoon with my parents. Love them and am so completely blessed.

Things I liked about today Sunday 8.16

2009-08-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

1. Going to Christ Church. Always been a dream of mine to go there. Dream fulfilled. Everything I hoped it would be.
2. Lunch at Moe's! LOVE IT!
3. Reading so much this afternoon...and everyday that I've been on vaca.
4. Laughing with Ben & Kel about our families. We are so blessed.
5. Visiting with Kel's parents.
6. Laughing at old youth group memories with Ben.

I am so incredible blessed to have spend this time in Tennessee with B & K. They truly are a blessing to my life and I only pray that one day I will be able to return the favor. It has been more than needed to be able to get away and not think for a few days. Definitely did that and have been rejuvenated. Ready to be home tomorrow and see my parents. Missed them so much.

Things I liked about today Saturday 8.15

2009-08-15T20:59:00.000-07:00

1. Driving through Nashville and around Belmont Univ. HUGE DREAM to go to that school. Wish it wasn't so dang expensive.
2. Seeing ridiculously huge houses and everything beautiful in Nashville.
3. Murfreesboro = BEAUTIFUL!
4. Watching "We Are Marshall" and having a very chill evening.

Things I liked about YESTERDAY Friday 8.15

2009-08-15T07:16:00.000-07:00

1. Walking nearly four miles with Ben and having incredible conversation.
2. Going downtown Franklin and looking in all the fun shops.
3. Going to the Mellow Mushroom for some INCREDIBLE pizza. Wow. That's some good stuff. Too bad the only thing we know how to make in TX is Mexican food!
4. Driving around Franklin looking at all the ridiculously large homes. Even saw where Keith & Nicole live. CRAZY!
5. Watching The Ringer. Funny but wrong.

Things I liked about today Thursday 8.13

2009-08-13T20:57:00.000-07:00

1. Resting well. I have not slept well in a LONG time.
2. Chilling. Relaxing. Reading. All morning long.
3. Talkin' to my sweet friend Alayna. Love her.
4. Late Birthday dinner at Saphires and the waiter being ridiculously nice and genuine.
5. Hearing Sam Gregg play some great ideas for songs. Seriously talented invidual. Check him out on iTunes.
6. More than encouraged by everyone who is being intentional about looking for the good in every single day. THIS is what we were called for.

Things I liked about today Wednesdasy 8.12

2009-08-12T17:10:00.000-07:00

1. Waking up to my alarm THE FIRST TIME.
2. Going to DFW to discover my plane was only going to leave from Love field then to discover I had WAY MORE than enough time to make it there!
3. Seeing Michael W. Smith at the Nashville airport!!! (ROCK MY FACE OFF!!!)
4. Seeing the face of Ben & Kelly Carlson! LOVE THEM!!!
5. Kelly's "from scratch" macaroni & cheese.....INDESCRIBABLE. You need to get cha some!

Things I Liked About Today. Tuesday 8.11

2009-08-11T19:01:00.001-07:00

1. Staff lunch = Great time with amazing friends.
2. Big Red ice cream.....'nough said!
3. Finally finishing all that needs to be done before trip!
4. Being humbled by the fact that sometimes parents do things that you will never be able to repay them for.
5. Going to a sweet friends house to do my laundry! =)

Things I liked about today Monday 8.11

2009-08-11T07:53:00.000-07:00

I'm following the lead of my buddy Mark on this one! Challenged and encouraged to find the good in every single day!

1. Got much accomplished in preparation for trip to Nashville this week.
2. Got a kick out of myself and had a good laugh with Marla.
3. Had lunch with two of the most precious people I know.
4. Good conversation with my sweet sister.
5. Went and visited my sweet friend Katelyn after her knee surgery and had so much fun just laughing with the girls and enjoying being together.

I'M MOVING!!!

2009-04-25T21:02:00.001-07:00

That's right! I am finally moving out on my own and I could not be more thrilled. Never moving away and going to college I've never had the "living on your own" experience.
During the whole process of looking for something in Tyler my mind has constantly been focused on "finding somewhere closer to town". Once I did that, got all the papers signed and deposit in, I think this is when I have finally hit the "super excited about living on my own/oh crap what am I doing?" moment! =)
Absolutely excited about not having to drive nearly an hour to be in town or hang with friends. This DEFINITELY ranks in the "convenient" category! I am also realizing all the things that come along with living on your own. I like to think that I've thought of everything, but lets be honest I realize there is much that I have not thought of!
So, May 15 is the big move in day. Thinking that I can get it all done in 2 days and NOT having it done in 2 days is not an option. Too much goin on for that!

In a Year.....

2009-04-06T19:16:00.000-07:00

It's been a long road. As I look back at all the God has brought us through and look into the greatness that He has placed before us, I am amazed by His works once again.

One year ago this Sunday Dad and I made the trek to Texas after Easter service. Lots of mixed feelings. Wondering where God was leading us, but knowing that He did indeed have something in store. Never would've guessed the connection that he would make that week with his now pastor. God is so gracious and surprising all the time.

Everyday that I look down and see the word tattoo-ed on my foot "Carried" I am reminded that is was through the desert that God carried me and brought me to where I am. St. Louis was not an easy eight years. There were many tears. Many trying times. Many nights of wondering where God was in all of this. Many lunches with Dad trying to make sense of it all. Tears still come to my eyes when I think of those long conversations about Where God's hand was in all that was going on.

As I sit here tonight. IN TEXAS! =) Knowing that God brought me through everything that He did for the ultimate goal of bringing Him Glory, I can see that it truly was for a reason! God has
stretched beyond measure and challenged me more than I thought I ever would be. God is continually growing me and changing me. I pray everyday that I am transforming into the person that he has called me to be. The thought of disappointing Him, or not doing him justice with the position I have been given scares the mess out of me!

I am so blessed to have walked the path that I have and grateful for the story that I can tell of God's grace and mercy every step of the way.

Some Thoughts on Worship from Piper - Desiring God

2009-03-11T13:30:00.000-07:00

"Worship is a way of gladly reflecting back to God the radiance of His worth."

"Where feelings for God are dead, worship is dead."

"Worship is authentic when affections for God arise in the heart as an end in themselves."

"The real duty of worship is not the outward duty to say or do the liturgy. It is the inward duty, the command "Delight yourself in the Lord!" (Ps. 37:4). "Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice!" (Ps. 32:11)

"Don't let your worship decline to the performance of mere duty."

"The irony of our human condition is that God has put us within sight of the Himalayas of His glory in Jesus Christ, but we have chosen to pull down the shades of our chalet and show slides of Buck Hill - even in church!"

I have nothing to add. Some sobering thoughts to think about!

A Desire to Know More

2009-02-20T19:02:00.000-08:00

So I've been learning. This may not be a shock to you, but to me I feel like it's just another layer of the veil pulled back. I've begun to realize, my God is BIG! Not just big, he's HUGE!!! I cannot even begin to learn all about Him and His greatness, and majesty, and splendor, and glory! But I want to! I want to learn so much more about Him!

So I've been reading Piper! HUGE FAN! I've read Piper before, but never have finished a book. I would much rather someone else read it and explain it to me! That's definitely easier right? I get so frustrated with his huge mind and tired of grabbing at every thought that goes right over my head!

I was challenged a couple of weeks ago by my pastor, to read "Desiring God." A-mazing. I have pulled out several great and amazing points, but aside from all of those one main theme strings them all together.

God is sovereign! In His sovereignty He demands our worship. Worship is not a mere duty that we do as Christ followers, however, worship is a way of gladly reflecting back to God the radiance of His worth!

I have shared before how God in His creation have begun to open my eyes over the past several months. Every single morning I look forward to getting in my car and driving across the lakes and watching the sunrise. God is B-E-A-UTIFUL! His creation is astounding. I am completely blown away that there is not one morning where the sunrise looks the same. They are all unique and all glorify and magnify MY GOD in a different and amazing way.

I pray that my life will be a reflection of the glory of God. It is my great desire that as I learn more about my creator that I will ooze it out of every pore and every word that is spoken. I pray that people are encouraged by my life and that I may glorify God in my everyday walk! I am completely in love with my creator and I am striving to make that known!

The Encouragement I need

2009-02-02T09:59:00.001-08:00

Proverbs 3:5-12 (The Message)

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own.Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil!Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life!Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best.Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over.But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction.It's the child he loves that God corrects; a father's delight is behind all this.

God's Will

2009-01-29T13:41:00.000-08:00

Jeremiah 29:11-13
I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed."

I love reading scripture that we all know by heart in The Message. I feel like it's more real. It's kinda like, okay, you know this. You've heard it a million times. Why are you worried? What were you stressed out about?

Why do we so often stress about things and THEN go to God? He's sitting by us waiting for us to call on Him. Waiting for us to say "Dad, I can't do this without you. I need your help!" That's all he wants. For us to admit that we are nothing and that we can do nothing without Him! Why is that so hard? I often make life more difficult and drawn out than it really should be.

I am striving to be serious about finding God and seeking His will above anything else in my life. With my whole haeart I want to know GOD!

My New Favorite Psalm

2009-01-27T06:29:00.000-08:00

Psalm 51:7-15 (The Message)
Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life. Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. Don't look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home. Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God, and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways. Unbutton my lips, dear God; I'll let loose with your praise.

Faith

2009-01-23T17:09:00.000-08:00

I feel like this is one of those "Christian-ese" words that we use, but I'm convinced we have no idea what faith really is!

Hebrews 11:7
By faith, Noah built a ship in the middle of dry land. He was warned about something he couldn't see, and acted on what he was told. The result? His family was saved. His act of faith drew a sharp line between the evil of the unbelieving world and the rightness of the believing world. As a result, Noah became intimate with God.

Okay, check this out! We've been told it hadn't rained on the earth and all the sudden God tells Noah to build an ark! He's going to destroy the earth because the people have corrupted it. Right? Yeah, looks take a closer look. Noah was FIVE HUNDRED YEARS OLD!!!! WHAT?!!! Five hundred just by the time he had three boys, THEN God told him to build an ark!

I don't know about you, but to me, faith is trusting and following God when everyone around you is telling you "No, bad idea". Noah was walking so closely to God that God chose HIM out of EVERYONE on the earth! God found Noah blameless.

I want to have more faith in a God like that!

This is what it looks like!

2009-01-22T08:20:00.000-08:00

Acts 2:42-47
They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and good, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

I am a big fan of the book of Acts simply because it gives a very raw, down to earth picture of what the church actually looks like! It has been about 3 years since I have been shown this verse and really explained in great detail what it means, looks like, and the great impact that it can have for a community!

As I read this I am even more excited about small groups starting in 3 weeks and very excited about the impact that they could have in Tyler! God is doing great things at Dayspring and I am incredibly blessed to be a part of this body!

It's not enough to be challenged....

2009-01-21T06:37:00.000-08:00

We must be CHANGED in order to be FORMED!

Ephesians 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Being not only a sarcastic person, but someone who speaks their mind on......too much......this hits home!
I would love to say that I speak truth and speak things that lift others up, because I do, but not as much as I'm supposed to! I need a big banner in front of me that says "Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth EVER!"

So this is my challenge today. To me, and to you!

Encouragement from our good friend James!

2009-01-20T07:37:00.000-08:00

I love the book of James. SERIOUSLY! I am so encouraged when I read it and I feel like I understand so much of it when I do, but also learn something new everytime I open it up! So now, all you.....okay, both of you, that read this blog, you will now see a peek into WHY I love James so much!

James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James start out telling you that you're GOING to face trials. Life's not gonna be picture perfect. James doesn't waste much time though saying the purpose of it all is so that we may be mature and lack nothing! LACK NOTHING!!! We won't be formed into the image of God simply by being challenged. We must be changed. That is when we must realize that trials are a part of the life and the joy comes from knowing that God has chosen to form us into the image of Christ.

The challenge for us......Don't stop! Don't just look at life and go through it's course and say "Man, God is really challenging me." When you are changed, THAT'S when you are FORMED!

Small Groups

2009-01-19T06:46:00.000-08:00

This has pretty much consumed my life the past 2 months! I didn't realize what a task this was going to be until I began! Not sure that I have completely mastered the task, but God has amazed me at how he has worked through me in order to get everything needed done!
My pastor gave me a book to read about small groups and an almost idiot proof way to organize them! =) The title of the book is Activate by Nelson Searcy and Kerrick Thomas. They are both pastors of the Journey Church in NY. www.journeymetro.com I never expected a book about small groups to challenge me to the core! It did! I just want to share one of the things that kicked me in the butt!
"When you ask someone to lead a group, you are not asking that person to help you out; you are offering the opportunity to embark on a spiritual adventure, to make a difference, to engage in what God created them to do."
YEAH! So how bout I HATE asking people to help me. Hate it! I have always wanted to do things on my own. It's not a pride thing at all, which most of you are probably thinking "yeah right!". Seriously though. I have always been the type of person to rather do things myself than ask for help. A "pride" issue may be closer to it!
This statement alone empowered me beyond anything anyone has ever said to me in my life. I suddenly looked at calling people and asking them to be a small group leader in a whole different light. I was excited to ask people to lead. There were few that said no, but I never felt knocked down because of it.
I feel like I am in the middle of a HUGE learning curve in my life. It is exciting, adventurous, and empowering! I have never been more certain of where I am now and more confident in the abilities that God has given me!

I LOVE MY GOD!!!

I Am Blessed

2008-11-02T20:15:00.000-08:00

I truly am! Every morining that I wake up I am reminded that God loves me more than I deserve. That thought usually doesn't come until AFTER I've taken a shower, brushed my teeth, put on makeup, and decided what to wear! HOWEVER, the thought comes to me every morning.

On my way to work each day I have tried to make it a point to pray the majority of the time I am in my car. I cannot even put into words how much I have been blessed by that time. God has truly shown me exactly what to pray for....in some cases. Here's the case that he hasn't.

There are certain people that I pray for and I know exactly what to pray as soon as I pray for them. I feel like God is telling me, in that moment, what to pray for them about. HOWEVER, there are others that God has been convicting me about my heart while I am praying for them.

James 4:3 says "When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

I have heard that verse several times, however, never applied it when I prayed for someone else. Only when I was praying for my own "wants/needs". I never applied it when I was praying for someone else. We don't know what God's Will is for someone else so therefore we can only pray that His will be done and that clarity be brought to that person in order to see His will!

So that's my convictions as of late! Welcome to the world of "Wanting to grow closer to God"! It sure is hard sometimes! BUT through it all, I am still very blessed, and cannot believe all that God has given me!

Good Morning World

2008-11-01T07:58:00.000-07:00

During the change of this season I have become more and more aware of God and His creation. It's been around me forever and I have neglected the beauty of it all. I have allowed myself to take in the glory of nature and have been astounded more and more of my creator. He made this day for me! And he gave it to me to enjoy the splendor and beauty of Him!

Every morning on my drive into town (which is about an hr) I drive across many lakes and see acres upon acres of trees changing colors. It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced. I feel like I have never had site before and God just opened my eyes and said "Look over here. Look at that. Look at this. See what I created for you? Do you like it?"

I have been given so much so much by this Amazing God that desires for us to worship him in His beauty!

I'm a "blogger" now!!

2008-10-30T20:39:00.000-07:00

I have decided to start blogging. I feel like this is probably the most affective way to keep in touch with everyone and let everyone know how life in Big Texas is going and to keep everyone in general updated on life!

Chances are, there will be no rhyme or reason to this blog! One day I may blog about something that God has been doing in my life, or challenging me with. The next it may be of my undying love for the Jalapeno Tree! You're just never gonna know!!

Today, I am incredibly tired! It's nearly 11am and I feel like I have been going non stop today! It's been a long week, but a good week all the same. I truly say it so much to those around me and I pray that it will not loose it's truth, but I genuinely do LOVE my job. I have been shaped, challenged, pushed, and blessed more than I could've ever imagined!

For those who do not know, I work for Dayspring Church in Tyler. The church has been meeting for a few weeks over a year. We meet out of a theatre on Sunday mornings. Interesting, unique, and incredible experience! I LOVE it! I am truly blessed every morning when I get to the theatre by the guys who are on setup teams that arrive well before I do and those on the setup teams that arrive after me. The attitudes of people. The willingness of this church to serve other. To help. To do whatever needs to be done. It truly is a blessing to me. I am thankful to be a part of something as unique as this. I truly believe that God is going to do great things with this body of believers if we continue to focus on Him and NEVER lose site of our true purpose here; which is to bring honor and glory to God and point others towards him!

So life in TX has been fairly fast paced since we've been here. The first two months I lived here we did not have a home. That was fun. God truly blessed us through that time. Now we are in a home and I drive almost an hour to work every morning. There has not been a morning that I have dreaded the drive! I have regretted not waking up to my alarm a few morning! God has truly blessed us in so many ways since we've been here. I love him more and more every day and thank him more and more for his continued blessing and presence in our lives! God has been greater to us than we deserve!

I will end the blog here for tonight! In the words of my buddy Aaron "I can't think of a good ending so here it is!"